The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post
Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy.
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Journalism has a lot in common with piracy. They’re both cut-throat businesses and I’m led to believe that many newspaper employees wear black eye-patches and wander around the office with squawking parrots on their shoulders (especially during the Panto season at The Grand in Swansea).
So, I have no idea for how long this newspaper will keep me on to entertain you with my weekly whimsical witterings.
I’ve still not been cured of my advanced alliteration addiction, despite several soul-searching sessions with Sven, a simply superb, sensitive Swansea psychiatrist.
Without notice, the excellent South Wales Evening Post might give me the elbow, the cold shoulder or some other additional body part I don’t need.
On the positive side, it’s possible that a national newspaper might offer me a fortune to jump ship, climb aboard their publication and sail into a bright future.
See how the seafaring/piracy theme runs through the world of print?
So, in case I’m not around, allow me to be the first to wish you a Happy Easter!
Because Spring is just around the corner!
And so is my local Chinese take-away! Wa-hey!
Yes, as soon as the Winter Solstice was behind us, I felt the days were getting longer.
Or did they just seem longer? Because I was parked in front of my TV for two weeks, being subjected to the truly desperate Christmas offerings the broadcasters decided we’d find entertaining - while they flew off to their fashionable ski resorts for a month.
So . . . what awaits us in 2015? Apart from the fact there will always be a sale at a furniture store whose initials are an anagram of FDS.
By the way, does anyone know what a mid-season sale is?
I’m not allowed to mention the actual name of the store as it could be construed as advertising.
Which I, the entertainer, would definitely not lower myself to do, sat here writing this in the mountain warehouse I call my home base, giving it the works, all on my jack jones, wearing boots, wondering what to do next.
Those of you who spotted all those shop names will be proud as peacocks.
In the first week of January, many of us will have made New Year resolutions to improve our health, weight, careers and our lives in general.
And many of us will have broken every one of those resolutions by the first week of February.
Because losing weight, giving-up (or cutting down on) drinking, quitting smoking and changing your career to do something more interesting, takes a lot of will power – and sometimes a stiff drink and a quick fag - to help us focus and maintain a new regime.
So in six months, I’d love to hear from any of you who lost weight, stopped smoking or cut down on the booze - and maintained these changes for more than a few weeks.
Provided the good ship Evening Post hasn’t made me walk the plonk. It’s like walking the plank, but you give out a weak whine....
Wa-hey again!
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The art of conversation is a dying one, and I witnessed this first hand while out to dinner the other night.
A group of six friends were around the table, every single one of them on their mobile phone while their food was in front of them.
Holding an actual conversation with another human being, face to face is becoming a dying art. I am convinced that before long people won’t actually talk to each other at all.
It’s also becoming a hazard to walk through any town or city in Wales, too, without dodging people who are walking and texting at the same time.
They seem to think it’s their divine right to walk in a straight line while everyone dives out of the way to let them through!
It has been reported that around 1500 pedestrians were treated for accidents caused while walking and using their mobile phone. A patient included a 14 year old boy who actually fell 8ft off a bridge due to texting and walking at the same time.
Next time you’re eating out, count the number of phones being used around the table. You’ll be surprised!
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On a more serious note, as we get ready to take on a New Year having wished each other happy thoughts, we usually find that this is also the time we reflect on the past year.
Many of you reading this may have had a great 2014, many may not. Most of us have had a mixture of both ups and downs, that’s what life is all about.
I hope your year has been colourful, uplifting and thought provoking. I hope that some of you may have smiled, laughed out loud, or felt good about something that I have written during the year in this column.
If so, that makes me smile and makes all the hard work and effort worthwhile.
Don’t forget “Together We Can Make a Difference”.
Learn from the past, be good to one another, have a safe, healthy and happy New Year and beyond. Thanks for reading.
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You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales
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