The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post
The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post -
Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy.
Definition of a British Bank Holiday taken from the Oxford English Dictionary (*Fourth Edition):
A one-day holiday, usually a Monday, that allows fat, obnoxious bald men in sleeveless tee-shirts and three-quarter length shorts to sit outside ‘pubs with their equally obnoxious wives and in between smoking, downing copious pints of lager and chewing on burgers, continually swear at their obnoxious children - usually named Jayden, Rihanna and Blade.
In the run-up to every Bank Holiday, the newspapers invariably (and gleefully) warn us about the impending bad weather, predict that there will be twenty-mile tailbacks on every motorway, dual carriageway, A-Road, B-Road, country lane & garage forecourt... and always mention ‘The Great Escape’.
They’re not referring to the mad rush of five million sickly-pale Brits heading for the airports to catch some quick, late- summer sunshine in ‘Magadorm’ or ‘Beniluf’. They mean the classic 1963 war film starring the late, great James Garner and Steve McQueen, together with very recently ‘late’ Sir Richard Attenborough and the still very much alive John Leyton.
Since its TV premier in the 70s, “The Great Escape” has been on either BBC or ITV every bank holiday. Now, with 2000 channels to choose from, it turns up on digital channels like the one aimed at swimmers (Dive) and the one that criminals tell the police they were watching when the bank robbery they’re accused of participating in was taking place 30 miles way (Alibi).
But, I hear you ask, who has time to lounge around watching old films on Bank Holiday afternoons? Well...everyone! Bank Holidays give us temporary respite from our daily routine. A chance to leave your car in the garage or your British Rail season ticket in your underwear drawer. Don’t ask how I know that’s where you keep it.
A Bank Holiday is a gift to the stressed, the over-worked and the weary. A day when the pressure is eased and we don’t have to rush off somewhere or adhere to someone else’s timetable. So what do many of us do on such a day? We rush off somewhere and adhere to our own timetable...
“Right! We need to be on the road by seven. So I’ll set the alarm for four-thirty to be on the safe side. You shower first while I make the ham sandwiches. But don’t take longer than ten minutes ‘cos you’ll have to boil the eggs, fill the coffee flask and check the best-before date on that Victoria sponge your mother gave us at Easter. Put the kids to bed in the clothes they’ll be wearing tomorrow, otherwise they’ll never get dressed in time. And please don’t wear that floral dress again or you’ll be covered in greenfly like you were at Windsor Safari Park!”
Instead of making the best use of these 24-hour add-ons to a weekend and relaxing on the sofa with a cold beer, glass of vino collapso or a pot of tea and some fairy cakes, we feel we must head for the great outdoors, dragging along with us our loved ones and anyone we want to punish for their past good deeds.
So where can you go? Well unless you enjoy wandering around museums, stately homes or exhibitions, the usual destination is the seaside. For those of you who don’t get out much, here’s a news flash. The seaside is there 365 days of the year. You don’t have to go there on the same day as two million other people and spend more time sat in static traffic, breathing fumes from the lorry in front, than you will on the beach.
I love the seaside. The sand, the sea, the smell of chips & donuts, the joyful noise of children having fun, the tacky gift shops and the fun fairs that haven’t seen a lick of paint since the Queens Jubilee. That’s Queen Victoria I mean. But I don’t go there on bank holidays.
So when the next bank holiday comes around, stay home, chill out and watch “The Great Escape”. If enough of you follow my advice, I’ll have a clear run from my front door to The Gower!
*It’s a joke. The current and final edition is the Third.
---------------------------------
You may have heard that last week the now famous Pontadawe music festival was on and true to form gave an opportunity for many talented musicians and performers to shine.
Here we have a small town with a big heart that welcomes everyone, young and old, to share the joy of live entertainment.
Thank goodness for fine weather as there was so much going on outside. Clearly the threat of rain will not stop us Welsh festival lovers from having a good time.
The highlight for me was the last and closing Sunday evening show featuring local talent of a very high standard.
Raspberry Jam a local trio already have people talking about them and are building a steady following for their country folk style band. The crowd loved them as they were engaging from the off. A must see band that are going from strength to strength. Keep an eye out for them and tell them Phil sent you!
My personal favourite were a band called Twenty2. Having seen them perform on many occasions they demonstrate stage craft and true musical talent, together with the magical warmth that will win over any crowd.
This event was well attended and attracted people from far and wide and a good thing for the local economy and live entertainment in general.
-----------------------------------------------------
Another one bites the dust. Yes, Wales has lost another venue that provided quality live entertainment. The Parrot Bar in Carmarthen has closed its doors for the last time.
Here we had a place of culture, entertainment and a platform for music lovers to meet, lean, learn and share a common interest.
Over the past few years we have seen countless venues closing, as a direct result of the economy and challenging times and in many small villages and towns around Wales these venues will never reopen.
Therefore I urge you to make an effort and visit the small amount of remaining venues that we have available to us and support live events. These venues are just about surviving at the moment and need our help and support to keep the magic alive. Check them out, you may enjoy it. And always remember this. Karaoke bars combine two of the nation’s greatest evils: people who shouldn’t drink with people who shouldn’t sing.
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You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales
Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy.
Definition of a British Bank Holiday taken from the Oxford English Dictionary (*Fourth Edition):
A one-day holiday, usually a Monday, that allows fat, obnoxious bald men in sleeveless tee-shirts and three-quarter length shorts to sit outside ‘pubs with their equally obnoxious wives and in between smoking, downing copious pints of lager and chewing on burgers, continually swear at their obnoxious children - usually named Jayden, Rihanna and Blade.
In the run-up to every Bank Holiday, the newspapers invariably (and gleefully) warn us about the impending bad weather, predict that there will be twenty-mile tailbacks on every motorway, dual carriageway, A-Road, B-Road, country lane & garage forecourt... and always mention ‘The Great Escape’.
They’re not referring to the mad rush of five million sickly-pale Brits heading for the airports to catch some quick, late- summer sunshine in ‘Magadorm’ or ‘Beniluf’. They mean the classic 1963 war film starring the late, great James Garner and Steve McQueen, together with very recently ‘late’ Sir Richard Attenborough and the still very much alive John Leyton.
Since its TV premier in the 70s, “The Great Escape” has been on either BBC or ITV every bank holiday. Now, with 2000 channels to choose from, it turns up on digital channels like the one aimed at swimmers (Dive) and the one that criminals tell the police they were watching when the bank robbery they’re accused of participating in was taking place 30 miles way (Alibi).
But, I hear you ask, who has time to lounge around watching old films on Bank Holiday afternoons? Well...everyone! Bank Holidays give us temporary respite from our daily routine. A chance to leave your car in the garage or your British Rail season ticket in your underwear drawer. Don’t ask how I know that’s where you keep it.
A Bank Holiday is a gift to the stressed, the over-worked and the weary. A day when the pressure is eased and we don’t have to rush off somewhere or adhere to someone else’s timetable. So what do many of us do on such a day? We rush off somewhere and adhere to our own timetable...
“Right! We need to be on the road by seven. So I’ll set the alarm for four-thirty to be on the safe side. You shower first while I make the ham sandwiches. But don’t take longer than ten minutes ‘cos you’ll have to boil the eggs, fill the coffee flask and check the best-before date on that Victoria sponge your mother gave us at Easter. Put the kids to bed in the clothes they’ll be wearing tomorrow, otherwise they’ll never get dressed in time. And please don’t wear that floral dress again or you’ll be covered in greenfly like you were at Windsor Safari Park!”
Instead of making the best use of these 24-hour add-ons to a weekend and relaxing on the sofa with a cold beer, glass of vino collapso or a pot of tea and some fairy cakes, we feel we must head for the great outdoors, dragging along with us our loved ones and anyone we want to punish for their past good deeds.
So where can you go? Well unless you enjoy wandering around museums, stately homes or exhibitions, the usual destination is the seaside. For those of you who don’t get out much, here’s a news flash. The seaside is there 365 days of the year. You don’t have to go there on the same day as two million other people and spend more time sat in static traffic, breathing fumes from the lorry in front, than you will on the beach.
I love the seaside. The sand, the sea, the smell of chips & donuts, the joyful noise of children having fun, the tacky gift shops and the fun fairs that haven’t seen a lick of paint since the Queens Jubilee. That’s Queen Victoria I mean. But I don’t go there on bank holidays.
So when the next bank holiday comes around, stay home, chill out and watch “The Great Escape”. If enough of you follow my advice, I’ll have a clear run from my front door to The Gower!
*It’s a joke. The current and final edition is the Third.
---------------------------------
You may have heard that last week the now famous Pontadawe music festival was on and true to form gave an opportunity for many talented musicians and performers to shine.
Here we have a small town with a big heart that welcomes everyone, young and old, to share the joy of live entertainment.
Thank goodness for fine weather as there was so much going on outside. Clearly the threat of rain will not stop us Welsh festival lovers from having a good time.
The highlight for me was the last and closing Sunday evening show featuring local talent of a very high standard.
Raspberry Jam a local trio already have people talking about them and are building a steady following for their country folk style band. The crowd loved them as they were engaging from the off. A must see band that are going from strength to strength. Keep an eye out for them and tell them Phil sent you!
My personal favourite were a band called Twenty2. Having seen them perform on many occasions they demonstrate stage craft and true musical talent, together with the magical warmth that will win over any crowd.
This event was well attended and attracted people from far and wide and a good thing for the local economy and live entertainment in general.
-----------------------------------------------------
Another one bites the dust. Yes, Wales has lost another venue that provided quality live entertainment. The Parrot Bar in Carmarthen has closed its doors for the last time.
Here we had a place of culture, entertainment and a platform for music lovers to meet, lean, learn and share a common interest.
Over the past few years we have seen countless venues closing, as a direct result of the economy and challenging times and in many small villages and towns around Wales these venues will never reopen.
Therefore I urge you to make an effort and visit the small amount of remaining venues that we have available to us and support live events. These venues are just about surviving at the moment and need our help and support to keep the magic alive. Check them out, you may enjoy it. And always remember this. Karaoke bars combine two of the nation’s greatest evils: people who shouldn’t drink with people who shouldn’t sing.
----------
You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales
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