The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post

The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post.
Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy.
www.philevans.co.uk

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Expected Delay In The Bagging Area:
I’m going to share something with you that’s been bouncing around in my brain like a ping-pong ball in an empty fish-bowl for several years.
It was never more than a germ of an idea, but after several recent experiences in supermarkets, I had an “Eureka!” moment that helped to clear the fog from my mind and led me to the depressing conclusion that in the 21st Century, the biggest cause of delays, frustrations, stress, fractiousness, headaches, high blood pressure...and people tearing out chunks of their own hair is...progress!
Yes, progress is actually holding us back.
This Epiphany occurred while I was stood at a self-service till in a well-known supermarket.
I’d had enough trouble with these tills before to know they can be very temperamental and that each till is of the opinion that everyone who uses it is a potential idiot and enjoys being proved right - nine times out of 10.
I placed my carrier bag in the bagging area - the begging area being outside the building, conveniently next to the cash machine.
I scanned the first item...a two-litre carton of milk...and the machine barked an order at me so sharply, I dropped it.
I scanned the milk again and this time was told off for doing something else stupid. I still had half-a dozen items yet to scan, so I called over one of the female ‘trouble shooters’ who help people having problems with self-service tills.
She quickly showed me what I was doing wrong, but isn’t the fact that supermarkets employ staff to assist self-service customers rather self-defeating?
And so it was proven, as each and every item I tried to scan caused a problem and each and every time I had to call the lady over to help me.
While I was struggling with my handful of items, I was infuriated to see shoppers who’d been queuing at check-outs with trolleys stacked high with goods, sailing past me and heading for the car park.
As she patiently scanned my last item, the lady admitted they’d had problems with the tills for months, but replacements were on the way.
That cheered me up, until I asked her when this was happening and she said “Next year!”
So, here’s my idea. Every supermarket should scrap self-service tills and open more check-outs ‘manned’ by the ladies previously employed as ‘trouble shooters’.
Now that would be real progress!

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Rent The Musical:
Clearly, The Stars Musical Company have again produced a top class production – Rent, The Musical.
I’m not a big fan of musicals, however having attended their recent performance at the Gwyn Hall, Neath, I had the chance to sample the talent that the cast of this local musical company had to offer.
For such a small theatre company to take on an award winning West End production was a big risk and could have ended in tears. But this was not the case, as the audience was fully engaged from the off.
We witnessed some great acting and singing and all this from local home grown talent.
What a great joy it was to see these performers working together and bringing the magic of theatre alive in their own very unique way.
A tremendous amount of effort and hard work must have gone into rehearsals to pull off such a professional and polished performance.
In addition to this, the age of the audience ranged between 16 and 80, which to me is another truly rare achievement. Well done guys!

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Biking:
As an owner and rider of a motorbike, I was shocked to read this week that statistics for those killed or injured as a result of bike accidents is the highest for seven years.
Motorcyclists accounted for 37% of those killed or seriously injured on our roads, despite making up just 1% of the road traffic.
The total number of those killed, seriously or slightly injured in 2014 was 749.
So who is at fault?
Often car drivers are blamed, but as a seasoned biker I see many riders take unnecessary risks by placing themselves in dangerous positions in which other motorists have no choice other than to take evasive action, which may just avoid a collision on this occasion.
It’s a growing concern that many young motorcyclists invest in high powered machines and the latest clothing, yet they don't feel the need to back this up with the high level of training that is readily available, at little or no cost.
Personally, I think it is up to us all to look out for each other.
Something to think about!.

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You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales and www.philevans.co.uk