Robert Lloyd - a Sir Gar Blog of random news . . . and some Clecs!

“In all marriages, the petrol eventually runs out of the tank and the engine goes dry. We were not meant to mate forever” – Entertainer Ruby Wax in her role as an agony aunt. “We could turn into the Belgian Navy. If we do, I’m gone” – Sir Jonathon Band, the First Sea Lord, protesting about spending cuts in the Royal Navy. “I could never be with a man who does nothing except look like a horse” - Reported remark by Petra Ecclestone, daughter of Formula One boss Bernie Ecclestone, on Prince William. “Tony Blair is impressed by wealth, uniforms, intelligence officers and religious people” – Lord Kinnock, Labour’s former leader. “In my heart, I don’t think he’ll get it. He’ll be livid as he has been nominated eight times” – Actor Leslie Phillips on the prospects of Peter O’Toole getting an Oscar for his role in the film Venus in which the two veterans co-star. “Before I met him, I wasted so much time. I was just annoying and narcissistic, and smelt bad” – Actress Anne Hathaway on her boyfri...

SUITABLY refreshed by their half-term hols, a small (but dedicated and anonymous) band of teachers has now resumed their comic email transmissions from the staffrooms of Llanelli's secondary schools. Here are a few of the funnies that beat the email firewall to land here at Star HQ in Cowell Street. Murphy's Lesser Known Laws 1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 2. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 3. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. 4. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. 5. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong. 6. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog. 7. The things that come to those who wait will be the scraggly junk...