Quotes that caught my eye
“In all marriages, the petrol eventually runs out of the tank and the engine goes dry. We were not meant to mate forever” – Entertainer Ruby Wax in her role as an agony aunt.
“We could turn into the Belgian Navy. If we do, I’m gone” – Sir Jonathon Band, the First Sea Lord, protesting about spending cuts in the Royal Navy.
“I could never be with a man who does nothing except look like a horse” - Reported remark by Petra Ecclestone, daughter of Formula One boss Bernie Ecclestone, on Prince William.
“Tony Blair is impressed by wealth, uniforms, intelligence officers and religious people” – Lord Kinnock, Labour’s former leader.
“In my heart, I don’t think he’ll get it. He’ll be livid as he has been nominated eight times” – Actor Leslie Phillips on the prospects of Peter O’Toole getting an Oscar for his role in the film Venus in which the two veterans co-star.
“Before I met him, I wasted so much time. I was just annoying and narcissistic, and smelt bad” – Actress Anne Hathaway on her boyfriend the Italian property developer Raffaello Follieri.
“Victoria Beckham was not put on this earth to sing. Posh Spice needs to give up” – Brit awards winner Amy Winehouse.
“Have you ever seen such a bunch of arrogant, inbred, sphincter-faced tosspots?” – Rowan Pelling, founding editor of The Erotic Review on the newly-published 1987 photograph of members of Oxford’s Bullingdon Club, including David Cameron and Boris Johnson.
“A super-food is something you eat, and a super-bug is something that eats you. In the meantime, stick to a daily diet of Pringles. Sooner or later scientists are bound to declare them an excellent way of avoiding athlete’s foot and warts” – Broadcaster and commentator Janet Street-Porter on the proliferation of dieting “advice”.
“Some say that ’little’ brush-fire wars – there are 74 in progress around the world – are the only wars there will be in future – and that the age of great wars has passed. I am not one of them. There is too much tinder lying around and far too many firebrands” – Paddy (now Lord) Ashdown, the former Liberal Democrat leader.
“Perhaps the next time David Cameron changes an item of party policy, he will bring a in new song. The Tory new anthem will replace the Eton boating song with Land of Dope and Tories” – Scottish transport minister Tavish Scott at the Scottish Liberal Democrats conference in Aviemore.
“They don’t know they are bad. They have got a very high opinion of themselves. They live in an isolated little community. All it is, is a young bunch of mediocrities” – Veteran actor Peter O’Toole on the Royal Shakespeare Company.
“The thing about the Oscars is that it is just not a spectator sport” - Actor and director Julian Fellowes.
“June is my 30th birthday as a practising Buddhist. I shall be glowing with enlightenment, hot flushes and champagne. I plan to go on a wine and tango tour of South America and then go off round the world. One way or another I hope to have spent my entire pension by the end of 2007” – Sandie Shaw, the barefoot 1960s pop legend.
“I always feel a bit of a prat when I’m wearing a rosette. The only time I wore one at the last election was at the count and I was worried it gives an aiming point to the disgruntled” – Veteran Tory MP Derek Conway.
“It takes a lot of money to look this cheap” – Dolly Parton.
“A common misperception of me is that I am 100% like Jim Royle. I’m only 95% like Jim Royle” – Actor Ricky Tomlinson who plays the role in the TV hit The Royle Family.
“Don’t worry. Nowadays, they can airbrush out a baby as easily as a birthmark” – A pregnant Pamela Anderson standing naked for a celebrity commercial.
“I’ve watched people do those limp finger shakes. I hate them. But I knew what they were trying to do. Trying to save their fingers from getting hurt” - Bill Clinton on the art of shaking hands without injuring yourself.
“My eighth time of being 40, but please just say I’m 37” – Tennis legend John McEnroe on his forthcoming birthday.
“Be thankful Patricia Hewitt, who says fewer beds will mean a better NHS, isn’t running a bus company. She’d cancel all services and claim her buses were never late” – R Temple, of High Wycombe, Buckinghamshire, in a letter to the Daily Mail.
“Chocolate has a hold over me so profound that I can hear a packet of Minstrels in the glove compartment of the car calling to me at three o’clock in the morning” – TV’S Vanessa Feltz.
“A common misperception of me is that I am big and loud and not very smart. I’m actually small and quiet and super-genius” – Lenny Henry.
“I don’t really have a problem with alcohol. I have a problem with me that probably comes out when I drink” – Award-winning singer Amy Winehouse.
“Traditionally Lent has been seen as a sombre time of sackcloth and ashes. What we are suggesting is that people share jokes, which is a way of kickstarting a very positive take on the season” – Spokesman for the Church of England.
“I am going to give up shoe shopping for Lent. If you put your foot in your mouth as often as I do, it simply has to be well shod” – Author Kathy Lette.
“I don’t do clubs. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I’m not having no club party; I better have a praise party” – Oscar nominee Jennifer Hudson addressing a boisterous crowd at her family church.
“As Australia gradually morphs into California, it is losing its respect for honesty and directness. Ballyhoo rules, and it’s not OK” – Australian feminist Germaine Greer, who has received death threats for her hostility towards the legendary Steve Irwin, killed by a sting-ray.
“If someone doesn’t enrich my life, I don’t want them to be part of my life. He has nothing to contribute to it” – Top chef Marco Pierre White on Gordon Ramsay.
“The thing about Tony Blair and his background is that he is incredibly posh, so he sometimes doesn’t understand people from my background” – Education Secretary and former postman Alan Johnson.
“But we are not all called Chardonnay or Cristal. TV’s Footballers’ Wives has a lot to answer for” – Coleen McLoughlin, girl friend of Wayne Rooney.
“Spending £3 million on a vanity post and a vanity department is a scandalous waste” – Oliver Heald, Shadow Cabinet Office Secretary on the extra cost of “running” the Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott.
“Despite being a musician I am allowed to ski. Every part of my body is insured. My big toe was the only thing left off the policy” – Violinist Vanessa Mae.
“It’s very flattering to be viewed as something of a hot property again at my age” – Leslie Phillips, 82, who is starring in the new film Venus.
“As nocturnal arrangements go, it’s fractionally less restful than bunking up with Ozzy Osbourne after his tenth Red Bull” – Conservative MP Michael Gove whose small daughter insists on climbing into the marital bed.
“I will never escape Victor Meldrew, I know that” – Actor Richard Wilson of One Foot in the Grave fame.
“Here is a place usually portrayed as having an overdeveloped sense of entitlement because it gave the world the Beatles and its teams are quite good at football” – Cross-dressing, award-winning potter Greayson Perry on Liverpool.
“My mom dressed me in silk to go to elementary school. In kindergarten, they sent me home because I couldn’t do finger painting in my dress” – Allegra Versace, daughter of Donatella Versace.
“Hugh Grant is just an old roue, and it’s taken Jemima Khan a bit longer to work that out than most of us expected” – Jay Moore, of Sheffield, in a letter to the Daily Mail.
“Smoothies are wonderful for drinking but not so good for running the country” – Wales’s First Minister Rhodri Morgan has a go at Tory leader David Cameron.
“If no room in lift, do not perform yourself. Coolie make lift jump. Do not burn joss stick in bedroom. Mouses much like. If mouses annoy, ask at desk for hotel cat” – Notice in bedrooms of Beijing hotel.
“We could turn into the Belgian Navy. If we do, I’m gone” – Sir Jonathon Band, the First Sea Lord, protesting about spending cuts in the Royal Navy.
“I could never be with a man who does nothing except look like a horse” - Reported remark by Petra Ecclestone, daughter of Formula One boss Bernie Ecclestone, on Prince William.
“Tony Blair is impressed by wealth, uniforms, intelligence officers and religious people” – Lord Kinnock, Labour’s former leader.
“In my heart, I don’t think he’ll get it. He’ll be livid as he has been nominated eight times” – Actor Leslie Phillips on the prospects of Peter O’Toole getting an Oscar for his role in the film Venus in which the two veterans co-star.
“Before I met him, I wasted so much time. I was just annoying and narcissistic, and smelt bad” – Actress Anne Hathaway on her boyfriend the Italian property developer Raffaello Follieri.
“Victoria Beckham was not put on this earth to sing. Posh Spice needs to give up” – Brit awards winner Amy Winehouse.
“Have you ever seen such a bunch of arrogant, inbred, sphincter-faced tosspots?” – Rowan Pelling, founding editor of The Erotic Review on the newly-published 1987 photograph of members of Oxford’s Bullingdon Club, including David Cameron and Boris Johnson.
“A super-food is something you eat, and a super-bug is something that eats you. In the meantime, stick to a daily diet of Pringles. Sooner or later scientists are bound to declare them an excellent way of avoiding athlete’s foot and warts” – Broadcaster and commentator Janet Street-Porter on the proliferation of dieting “advice”.
“Some say that ’little’ brush-fire wars – there are 74 in progress around the world – are the only wars there will be in future – and that the age of great wars has passed. I am not one of them. There is too much tinder lying around and far too many firebrands” – Paddy (now Lord) Ashdown, the former Liberal Democrat leader.
“Perhaps the next time David Cameron changes an item of party policy, he will bring a in new song. The Tory new anthem will replace the Eton boating song with Land of Dope and Tories” – Scottish transport minister Tavish Scott at the Scottish Liberal Democrats conference in Aviemore.
“They don’t know they are bad. They have got a very high opinion of themselves. They live in an isolated little community. All it is, is a young bunch of mediocrities” – Veteran actor Peter O’Toole on the Royal Shakespeare Company.
“The thing about the Oscars is that it is just not a spectator sport” - Actor and director Julian Fellowes.
“June is my 30th birthday as a practising Buddhist. I shall be glowing with enlightenment, hot flushes and champagne. I plan to go on a wine and tango tour of South America and then go off round the world. One way or another I hope to have spent my entire pension by the end of 2007” – Sandie Shaw, the barefoot 1960s pop legend.
“I always feel a bit of a prat when I’m wearing a rosette. The only time I wore one at the last election was at the count and I was worried it gives an aiming point to the disgruntled” – Veteran Tory MP Derek Conway.
“It takes a lot of money to look this cheap” – Dolly Parton.
“A common misperception of me is that I am 100% like Jim Royle. I’m only 95% like Jim Royle” – Actor Ricky Tomlinson who plays the role in the TV hit The Royle Family.
“Don’t worry. Nowadays, they can airbrush out a baby as easily as a birthmark” – A pregnant Pamela Anderson standing naked for a celebrity commercial.
“I’ve watched people do those limp finger shakes. I hate them. But I knew what they were trying to do. Trying to save their fingers from getting hurt” - Bill Clinton on the art of shaking hands without injuring yourself.
“My eighth time of being 40, but please just say I’m 37” – Tennis legend John McEnroe on his forthcoming birthday.
“Be thankful Patricia Hewitt, who says fewer beds will mean a better NHS, isn’t running a bus company. She’d cancel all services and claim her buses were never late” – R Temple, of High Wycombe, Buckinghamshire, in a letter to the Daily Mail.
“Chocolate has a hold over me so profound that I can hear a packet of Minstrels in the glove compartment of the car calling to me at three o’clock in the morning” – TV’S Vanessa Feltz.
“A common misperception of me is that I am big and loud and not very smart. I’m actually small and quiet and super-genius” – Lenny Henry.
“I don’t really have a problem with alcohol. I have a problem with me that probably comes out when I drink” – Award-winning singer Amy Winehouse.
“Traditionally Lent has been seen as a sombre time of sackcloth and ashes. What we are suggesting is that people share jokes, which is a way of kickstarting a very positive take on the season” – Spokesman for the Church of England.
“I am going to give up shoe shopping for Lent. If you put your foot in your mouth as often as I do, it simply has to be well shod” – Author Kathy Lette.
“I don’t do clubs. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I’m not having no club party; I better have a praise party” – Oscar nominee Jennifer Hudson addressing a boisterous crowd at her family church.
“As Australia gradually morphs into California, it is losing its respect for honesty and directness. Ballyhoo rules, and it’s not OK” – Australian feminist Germaine Greer, who has received death threats for her hostility towards the legendary Steve Irwin, killed by a sting-ray.
“If someone doesn’t enrich my life, I don’t want them to be part of my life. He has nothing to contribute to it” – Top chef Marco Pierre White on Gordon Ramsay.
“The thing about Tony Blair and his background is that he is incredibly posh, so he sometimes doesn’t understand people from my background” – Education Secretary and former postman Alan Johnson.
“But we are not all called Chardonnay or Cristal. TV’s Footballers’ Wives has a lot to answer for” – Coleen McLoughlin, girl friend of Wayne Rooney.
“Spending £3 million on a vanity post and a vanity department is a scandalous waste” – Oliver Heald, Shadow Cabinet Office Secretary on the extra cost of “running” the Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott.
“Despite being a musician I am allowed to ski. Every part of my body is insured. My big toe was the only thing left off the policy” – Violinist Vanessa Mae.
“It’s very flattering to be viewed as something of a hot property again at my age” – Leslie Phillips, 82, who is starring in the new film Venus.
“As nocturnal arrangements go, it’s fractionally less restful than bunking up with Ozzy Osbourne after his tenth Red Bull” – Conservative MP Michael Gove whose small daughter insists on climbing into the marital bed.
“I will never escape Victor Meldrew, I know that” – Actor Richard Wilson of One Foot in the Grave fame.
“Here is a place usually portrayed as having an overdeveloped sense of entitlement because it gave the world the Beatles and its teams are quite good at football” – Cross-dressing, award-winning potter Greayson Perry on Liverpool.
“My mom dressed me in silk to go to elementary school. In kindergarten, they sent me home because I couldn’t do finger painting in my dress” – Allegra Versace, daughter of Donatella Versace.
“Hugh Grant is just an old roue, and it’s taken Jemima Khan a bit longer to work that out than most of us expected” – Jay Moore, of Sheffield, in a letter to the Daily Mail.
“Smoothies are wonderful for drinking but not so good for running the country” – Wales’s First Minister Rhodri Morgan has a go at Tory leader David Cameron.
“If no room in lift, do not perform yourself. Coolie make lift jump. Do not burn joss stick in bedroom. Mouses much like. If mouses annoy, ask at desk for hotel cat” – Notice in bedrooms of Beijing hotel.
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