The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post


The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post.
Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy.
www.philevans.co.uk

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Is this hard to believe?
Are you ever shocked by things you read in the ‘papers or see on the TV news?
I mean, really shocked to such an extent that you find it hard to believe them?
Such as the news that Katie Price (formerly known as Jordan – that name takes you back, doesn’t it?) is publishing her fifth autobiography at the advanced age of 37!
Apparently this latest volume of her memoirs moves her life story on quite a bit, dealing with how she fearlessly confronted one of the most traumatic events in her life.
Sitting her GCSEs.
To be fair, Katie’s quite upfront (You’re making-up your own jokes now!). She doesn’t actually write her books....and can’t be bothered to read them!
An attitude millions of us can relate to.
I read acres of newsprint every day and sit through the same rolling news items on BBC Breakfast TV over and over until my butler informs me he’s laid out my clothes for the day and the bath he’s run for me is at the exact temperature I prefer.
Because I’m knee deep in news (and chest deep in bathwater) on such a regular basis, I thought I’d become immune to ‘shocking’ headlines...until the Ashley Madison ‘Dating’ Website hacking story emerged.
In case you’ve been on the Moon for the past month, I won’t explain the ins and outs (will you stop making-up your own jokes!) of the site’s purpose.
However, as the company’s motto is “Life is short – Have an affair”, it obviously offers more than just a ‘date’, which used to mean a night at the pictures, a curry and a quick kiss on the front doorstep.
You won’t be surprised to learn that most users of the website were men - 31 million worldwide - far out numbering the 5.5 million women who use the site.
But how about this?
Cardiff has 6000 people signed-up to the website.
Swansea - 3000.
Newport - 2500.
Aberystwyth and Abergavenny 250 each.
And Anglesey 600!
So, here’s the piece of news that shocked me.
There are 47 members in Llandeilo, Carmarthenshire! A town with a population of just under 1800 at the last census.
Don’t they have enough flower festivals, book clubs, choir practices, darts tournaments and amateur dramatic societies to keep them out of mischief?
I intend visiting the town tomorrow to investigate these ‘goings on’.
If this page is blank next week, worry not.
I’ve either found my soul mate - or joined the WI.

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The office party:
As we head into September and are still waiting for that ‘Indian summer’ by the way, I’m rather surprised by the amount of enquiries coming in for my Christmas comedy show.
Yes, it appears that people are already thinking of and planning that ever popular end of year party, the one that they try desperately to forget for weeks after, having done something totally embarrassing that was undoubtedly alcohol related.
It turns out in most cases that photocopying naked parts of your anatomy and leaving them on the bosses’ desk is a unique way of handing in your notice!
If your company is posh enough to put on a meal, for a comedian these events are nothing like a normal gig and come with a ‘risk warning’ at best.
It’s usually only brave, seasoned professionals that survive performing these gigs and walk away unfazed.
A few years back myself and two close comedy friends experienced such an occasion in a well known hotel in the heart of Swansea, and even to this day, every time we meet up we have flash backs of the event.
One of the comedians continues to receive therapy . . .

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New challenge:
It’s hard to concentrate when your head if full of ‘things to do’ and ideas that you would love to develop if you just had more time.
Is this just me or do you feel the same?
With this in mind, I’m now forced to be creative over the next eight weeks as I’ve been given the challenge of writing a sit com pilot to be considered by S4C.
This is such an exciting opportunity to experiment in a new and creative way, but now as the deadline nears I will admit that a few feelings of fear and stress have appeared.
Knowing that I now must commit to putting time to one side to develop and write ideas every day is like being back at school, but without the teacher throwing blackboard dusters at you, and having to wear itchy grey uniform trousers.
So far I have come up with ideas from people I have observed in and around Swansea, Llanelli, Carmarthen and Neath, all of which at this point have formed part of a great storyline.
You see, people watching can be very rewarding at times.
Just sayin’....

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You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales and www.philevans.co.uk

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