The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post

The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post.
Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy.
www.philevans.co.uk

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The ‘C’ Word!

It’s here then - even though none of us are ready for it.
It suddenly arrived like an unexpected relative turning up on your front door step with a pile of suitcases and an expectant smile on his face, demanding two month’s free board and lodging - and a wad of your cash.
I’m referring to Christmas - which, as any of you who’ve ventured outside your homes in the last week will realise, has begun.
If I sound less than happy about it, allow me to explain why.
A couple of days before Bonfire Night I walked into a well-known department store’s coffee shop and was surprised (nay, shocked, double nay, flabbergasted) to see that the staff behind the counter were wearing T-shirts bearing slogans along the lines of “We Wish You A Flat White Christmas” and “Santa Only Has One Shot At Christmas. But You Can Have Double Shots Any Time You Like!”
Obviously that slogan was printed on an extra-extra-large T-shirt worn by an extra-extra-extra-large staff member.
Then, as I joined the queue, I was amazed (nay, stunned, double nay, horrified) to realise the muzak seeping out of the loud speakers around the place was a selection of Christmas carols.
On November the 3rd!
I was so cheesed-off with the shop’s blatant, much-too-early attempt to nudge their customers into spending their hard-earned on turkey, tinsel and toys (goods that were taking up shelf space vacated just a few days before by Halloween merchandise) that I walked out.
I sought refuge in a nearby cafe which, thoughtfully, provided the sort of background music that normal, intelligent people enjoy – i.e. none!
I know people say every year that “Christmas seems to start earlier and earlier!”, but this year I think shops definitely and very cynically started banging us over the head with ‘seasons greetings’ far too early.
Between November the 5th and 8th, I visited a variety of shops and in every one, carols and seasonal songs were playing in the background, Christmas stock was piled floor to ceiling . . . and staff members were wearing Santa hats at a jaunty angle.
Somehow, I doubt the hats or the staff would remain very jaunty after hearing Wizzard’s raucous Christmas anthem 20 times a day until December 24th.
Had Roy Wood called it “I Wish It Could Be Christmas For One Sixth Of The Year”, when he wrote it in 1973, by now his dream would have come true.

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GI Joe:

As you know, I love a good catch up and this week I had the pleasure of a skinny latte with my good friend Joe Williams, otherwise known as GI Joe.
Well, how things can change in a few months!
Joe has moved his successful personal training gym to fantastic new premises in Llanelli to accommodate the increase in business he has seen over the last 12 months.
I love a good success story. Joe has worked so hard and we have kept in touch to see if he can cure me of my fitness phobia. Joe has moved from a small gym that was around 5m squared into the old KK Club in Llanelli which has three floors of awesome space.
I've seen it, it is very impressive.
Currently within the gym there are showers, changing rooms with the essentials such as hair dryers and straighteners, that’s me ok then!
And it is also child friendly, so those mothers struggling with childcare can be catered for. Don’t you just love the attention to detail?
Now called “The Bar”, I can see this being a huge success for Joe and the team. It’s lovely to see a local business doing so well.

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Welsh Factor quarter final:

The highlight of the week for me was attending the ever-popular Welsh Factor talent show, held at the Diplomat Hotel, Llanelli.
I do enjoy these occasions immensely as they keep me in touch with the grass roots of the entertainment industry.
Once again a sell-out audience witnessed acts from all across Wales. The place was alive with new raw talent just waiting for their big break.
All acts on the night were worthy of a place in the final, which will be held in the early part of 2017. The event was hosted and held together by one of the safest hands in showbiz, the Swansea legend that is Kev Johns.
More than 20 acts graced the stage, many of whom I hadn't seen perform previously, which demonstrates that we do have an abundance of talent here in Wales.
I challenge each and every one of you to check out the local entertainment scene and support live entertainment as often as you can.
This can be extremely beneficial to your local community.
Go on, I dare you. You know it makes sense

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You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales and www.philevans.co.uk