The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post


The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post.
Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy.
www.philevans.co.uk

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How do we cope with all this?

We live in a time where Donald Trump is about to become the most powerful man in the world, vegans want to scrap the new five pound notes because they contain tiny traces of animal fats (why not just ask for five one-pound coins instead?) and millions of TV viewers enjoy watching minor celebrities chewing on a dead kangaroo’s you-know-what, while locked inside a box of snakes.
Some readers wonder why I get annoyed with people so dim I’m astonished they can find their way out of their own front doors to wander aimlessly along while texting on their stupid...err...smart phones, oblivious that pavements might just occasionally be used by other pedestrians.
In my defence, there are weeks when I relate happy experiences I’ve enjoyed, recall the wonderfully bright, caring people I’ve met and share a positive view of the world.
This, however, is not one of those weeks!
As the correct usage and meaning of words are important to comedians, we’re probably more aware of – and annoyed by – the monumentally stupid things that monumentally stupid people say, especially in the media.
I recently heard a Radio Two programme trailer for a pre-recorded concert which included a brief extract from the singer’s performance followed by a female presenter breathlessly announcing . . .
“Wow! There are no words to describe that! It was amazing!”
So, although there were ‘No words to describe that’, miraculously in less than one second she’d managed to invent one which began with ‘a’ and ended in ‘g’.
Amazing!
That was a double win for the world of stupid, because whoever edited the trailer and left in that ludicrous line and didn’t think it through.
On ITV’s “Loose Women” last week, one of the women on the panel was an ex-model with several autobiographies and novels to her name, none of which she’d written or, I’d guess, had even read.
I wouldn’t reveal her name at any Price.
Recommending a West End show she’d seen the night before, she said “It was so funny, I literally exploded with laughter!”
As ‘literally’ means it actually happened, if a silicone-bosomed, vacuous ‘celebrity’ had spontaneously exploded inside a theatre, it might have been reported on the TV news, probably, in these dumbed-down days, just ahead of the announcement that WW3 was starting a week Tuesday.
Oh dear. Looks like we’re back to Mr. Trump again!

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Magician:

Last week I hosted an event that helped to raise much needed funds for the MIND charity.
As the guests arrived and sat down for their meal, gasps of amazement and applause could be heard echoing throughout the room.
The reaction was as a direct result of some truly spectacular illusions and magic performed by the very charming and creative Luke Gravett the magician.
Some of you may have already seen him, but if not you must try as he will leave you gasping with amazement.
Luke has been performing magic for more than 20 years and has travelled the world with his passion.
Although magic is frequently seen on television - when people witness it being performed in their own hands the experience is completely different. No camera tricks and no editing always makes for pure astonishment.
Luke is the resident magician at The National Botanic Gardens of Wales and also performs at the theatre shows at Folly Farm in Pembrokeshire.
Most recently, Luke was the recipient of the Welsh National Weddings award for the Best Wedding Entertainment category which doesn't surprise me at all.

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A surprise:

I'm truly devastated. Following another long day, I came home late last night only to find all the doors and windows open and everything stolen . . .
What kind of sick person does that to someone else's Advent Calendar?
Did I get you there?
But how would you feel if your home had been broken into, which at this time of year is something that happens to so many.
Cars, sheds and homes are targeted throughout the run-up to Christmas as so many of us take our personal security for granted.
Being the victim of crime can have a devastating effect on us and the police tell us to keep all valuables locked up and out of sight.
Good advice. However, most of us only practice this after we have been affected by such a crime.
And another thing. If your Christmas tree lights work the first time you plug them in . . . there is something definitely wrong with them!
It’s not normal, it wouldn’t be Christmas without five hours trying to get the lights working and having a tantrum!

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You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales and www.philevans.co.uk 

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