The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post


The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post.
Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy.
www.philevans.co.uk

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Even the bad news can be funny!
If you see me in the street, please say “Hello!”, “How are you?” or even “You’ve got a great face for radio!”
But please don’t ask “What’s occurring?” as I won’t know.
I’m badly informed about current affairs because the papers are so full of sad stories, political shenanigans, appalling revelations, C-list celebrity puff-pieces and photos of the permanently-grinning Myleene Klass (does anyone know what that woman actually does for a living?).
I just skim through them.
I’ve been known to turn the pages of my newspaper at such high speed the friction created by my fingers causes the paper to catch fire.
So, it’s probably best not to sit next to me on an aeroplane.
Some days I get through my paper so quickly that in less than a minute I’ve reached the ‘twilight zone’ between the ‘proper’ news and the sports news - the pages devoted to advertisements for retirement bungalows, stair lifts and walk-in baths.
Why anyone living in a bungalow would need a stair lift to get into a walk-in bath is beyond me.
But, once in a while, I’ll come across a news story that brings a smile to my face, joy to my heart and some of the previous night’s fish pie back into my throat.
For example...
A GOWER bus went missing for over an hour after, it was claimed, the driver got lost with around 22 people on board.
Some passengers waiting at bus stops finally lost their patience and got taxis home.
The company running the bus from Rhossili to Swansea's Quadrant station said the driver took a wrong turn and got stuck in the mud trying to turn around.
That’s right.
Somehow, along the 18-mile route between Rhossili and Swansea, a ‘bus was lost for over an hour!
Another 10 minutes and someone might have called out International Rescue.
F.A.B!
Apparently, the befuddled bus driver was new to the route and couldn’t tell the difference between a main road and a muddy track.
But, what really amused me, was the casual reference to there being ‘around’ 22 people on the bus.
The bus company were admitting there might have been less...or there could have been more.
So it’s possible that right now, somewhere between Rhossili and Swansea, a couple of weary souls carrying shopping bags are wandering around in circles.
Remind me – which one of the Thunderbirds specialises in finding missing bus passengers?

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Winter fun – a chance worth taking:
What do a crown prosecutor, painter and decorator and a comedian have in common?
Well I will help you out on this – all three have a passion for winter sports.
I'm writing this item on a glacier in Monterosa, Italy, which will be our last opportunity to enjoy the perfect snow conditions for this year.
And, to make the experience even better, the cost of this holiday adventure was less than a third of normal holiday package prices, which is down to the fact that we are outside of the school holiday period.
As you know, the school holiday period is an exorbitantly expensive time to take the family on holiday and many destinations are financially out of reach for most families.
Off peak holidays offer the same benefits and facilities as on peak holidays.
For the majority of us, they become more of a bargain and I can see the great temptation to take our children out of school to benefit from an affordable family holiday where magical memories can be created.

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Miracles do happen:
Ever since I was a young lad, I've had a strong passionate interest in magic and mentalism and in recent years have been lucky enough to perform and work with some extremely creative artists.
This art form fascinates me and, hopefully, it always will.
But, my most recent highlight was being invited as a guest to witness Derren Brown’s latest show, Miracle, at our prestigious Wales Millennium Centre in Cardiff.
I know what you are thinking – he was in the Swansea Grand two weeks back.
Yes, I understand, but I wasn't invited as a guest to that performance!
Moving on . . .
For me, this was the ideal venue to show off a spectacular performance by a man who is currently at the top of his game.
From the outset, the audience was drawn in.
It was an amazing performance in which Brown had the crowd mesmerised continuously.
His quick wit and one-liners were worthy of any top stand-up comedian, and he wove this into a stunning stage show which I didn't want to end.

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You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales and www.philevans.co.uk

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