The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post

The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post.
Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy.
www.philevans.co.uk

------------------------------------------

So! 2015 is all over bar New Year’s Eve celebratory drinks in bars all over.
No matter how 2015 treated you, bid it a fond farewell and greet 2016 with a smile on your face. It could be the year you’ve been waiting for.
Personally speaking, 2015 created some good memories, some not-so-good and some I never want to think about ever again.
For example, I’ve completely wiped from my memory the night I spent in a rundown cantina in a small Mexican town. The place was so sleazy, to gain entry you had to go down three steps – physically and socially.
It was there I met two beautiful senoritas – Rosita and Juanita.
Rosita dressed in red.
Juanita dressed in under a minute.
We laughed together, we danced together, we ate chilli bean enchiladas together...and we drank 18 bottles of tequila together.
Then, inexplicably, after I was violently sick down my shirt front, I was all alone.
Even though the night’s wiped from my memory, the stains still haven’t come out of my shirt.
Each year contains 525,600 minutes and it can take less than one minute for something life-changing to happen, like a car accident or a grand piano dropping on your head when the rope, hauling it up the outside of a 50-storey apartment building, suddenly snaps.
Newspaper cartoons regularly used to depict that happening, but rarely do today.
Either fewer grand pianos are being sold or they’ve found a way to haul them up on the inside of buildings.
Anyway, my feeling is, if you can get through 525,600 minutes every year, unscathed and accident-free, you’re entitled to give yourself a pat on the back.
But don’t do it too forcefully or you might wrench your shoulder – defeating the object of you patting yourself on the back for not having had any accidents.
For one married couple I know, who’ve been making a living as circus clowns for over 20 years, 2015 has ended badly.
Twice a day (three times on Saturdays) they threw buckets of water over one another, got plastered in red, blue and green gunge and threw custard pies in each other’s faces.
But now, sadly, they’re going through a messy divorce!
I hope that’s helped you to greet 2016 with a smile on your face.
My sincere thanks for reading my ramblings every Wednesday and, as long as you keep enjoying them, I’ll keep writing them.
Happy New Year!

-----------------------------------------

Selfie Stick:

By now, many of you out there are proud owners of a Selfie Stick. Some of you probably received one as a Christmas gift.
It amazes me the lengths that people go to to get the perfect ‘selfie’ photo.
Over the past year, multiple people have died attempting the perfect selfie.
Over the Christmas holidays, I have seen two people almost knock themselves out when their phones have fallen out of their selfie stick while they were dangerously hovering it above their heads.
Nan’s phone fell and cracked her dentures and she had to visit the out of hours emergency dentist.
I remember reading of a couple who were on holiday in Portugal and fell off a cliff while trying to snap a selfie amid the scenery, while a teenage girl fell off a bridge in Spain mid-selfie!
I fell off the settee trying to get a selfie picture for this item.
I’m OK, but my camera fell in my Christmas sherry so won’t work anymore, hence the lack of a picture.

-----------------------------------------------

A&E:

It’s that time of year again, our hospitals are under pressure, but are we creating some of these problems ourselves?
Are we simply going to A&E because it’s late and the GP is closed?
On the very rare occasions that I have had to visit the Accident and Emergency department of a hospital, there are often people sitting there for a very long time looking relatively “well”.
Surely the clue is in the title?
Accident and Emergency.
We really shouldn’t be popping in with simple aches and pains.
It’s been well publicised in the press and social media recently that we need to make the right choices as an alternative to heading straight to A&E.
Next time you have toothache or an upset tummy, ask yourself is A&E really the right choice?
I recently looked up my local health board website. There are a huge range of alternatives to blocking up your local emergency department with an illness that could easily and quickly be dealt with somewhere else....
Let’s help the hospitals to help us!

--------------------

You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales and www.philevans.co.uk