The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post

The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post.
Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy.
www.philevans.co.uk

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So this is Christmas
And what have you done?
Another year over
And a new one just begun.

So sang John Lennon in 1971 – and if you’ve been listening to the radio, and shopping in supermarkets and department stores in the last couple of months, you’ll be aware he’s still singing it, 35 years after his death on December the 8th 1980.
It’s become as familiar as every other Christmas-themed song, from Slade’s raucous “Merry Christmas Everybody” to the gentler “Last Christmas”, yet it’s only recently that I’ve taken any real notice of the lyrics of “So This Is Christmas”.
Maybe it’s because I’m no longer in the first – or even second – flush of youth, but the opening verse strikes more of a chord ( no pun intended ) with me now.
Or perhaps this year’s terrible events in Paris, Tunisia and elsewhere have given it an extra dimension?
While we’re able to look back at what 2015 presented us with, many young, vibrant people died needlessly and tragically this year.
This is not a pious “Thought For The Day” lecture.
That’s not my style.
In fact, people often look at what I’m wearing and conclude I have no style.
But it might do us good, amid the pre-Christmas madness, to reflect on what we’ve achieved since 2014 - especially the fact that we’re still alive and kicking.
When I was a nipper, older relatives used to say to me “Count your blessings!”
I never understood what they meant then – but I certainly do now.
Those of you who’ve had a bad year health-wise or financially may wonder if you have any blessings to count.
But just think about the thousands of people whose homes have recently been flooded to such an extent they’re going to be uninhabitable for months – they might not even be habitable this time next year.
Unless it’s happened to you, it’s impossible to take in how utterly devastating on every level it feels when your home, furniture, clothes, electrical items and Christmas presents you’d bought and wrapped weeks ago, have been contaminated by an unstoppable wall of stinking, muddy brown river water.
Flood victims won’t be having much fun on December 25th, so when we’re tucking into our Christmas lunch or eating turkey sandwiches in front of the telly, let’s spare them a thought, wish them luck in 2016 – and count our blessings.
Merry Christmas!

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THE REALITY OF CHRISTMAS SHOPPING:

Why don't Christmas shoppers really look like they do in the adverts on TV?
Smiling families, matching jumpers and scarves, calmly strolling around the shops, snow gently falling around the town (they never seem to carry ANY bags though, have you noticed?)
Now, here is the reality...city centre is packed, people all walking in different directions (always the opposite way to me) men being dragged around shops they obviously don’t want to be in, children screaming....all surrounded by the same jolly Christmas music in every shop.
Then we have department stores doubling up as saunas, it’s freezing outside so you have to wrap up, but as soon as you walk into a shop it hits you like one of the other half’s midlife flushes!
It’s the children I feel most sorry for, strapped firmly into their pushchairs with only a Jenkins pastie for company, so many shopping bags hanging on the back of the pushchair, both child and pastie are in danger of tipping backwards and being catapulted across Debenhams.
Happy shopping, my friends!

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Christmas Party:

The last of my pre Christmas Party Events was held on Friday at the now ever popular Ffwrnes Theatre, Llanelli.
I was immediately greeted at the main entrance by a very friendly and extremely tall glamorous young lady. I had never before met such a tall woman.
Then it was pointed out to me that the said lady was on stilts which was part of the themed nights entertainment.
Rather embarrassed and not immediately willing to admit my foolishness I immediately said, “yes I knew that”.
Everyone was ready to party and experience the music, acrobatics and comedy magic that was part of the evening’s experience.
But, for me, the highlight of the evening was a surprise presentation awarded to a student of the now ground-breaking Llanelli G.I. Joe Personal Training Academy.
A very surprised and emotional Claire Bancroft received the well deserved award, as she has managed to lose an amazing 7st 10 lbs in just 12 months with the help and guidance of G.I. Joe Williams.
She looked fantastic.

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You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales and www.philevans.co.uk