The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post
Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy.
www.philevans.co.uk
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ARE YOU BEING SERVED? NO!
I recently visited Newport on business and set off early in case I ran into heavy traffic or a jack-knifed lorry. Luckily, I didn’t meet any such problems.
You seldom do when you travel by train.
I arrived early and wandered into a cafe, sat down and was immediately approached by a pleasant lady who asked me if I wanted to order a hot drink.
She didn’t work there. She was just the curious type. (Joke!)
I said: “I’d like a coffee and a cheese toastie, please. And I’d like the coffee with the sandwich and not before. Thanks.”
What, apart from a glass of water and a biscuit, could have been simpler?
Two minutes later a cup of coffee arrived – just as I hadn’t requested.
A couple sat at the next table and ordered two full English breakfasts.
A different waitress asked if I wanted any sauces.
I looked down at the table and said “I’ve got nothing to put the sauce on”.
She went away.
Twenty five minutes had passed.
Two full English breakfasts were served to the couple on the next table.
By now my coffee was cold and my temper was hot, so I said to one of the waitresses “Excuse me. That couple arrived after me and they’ve already been served.”
She said “Your breakfast won’t be a minute!”
I said:“I didn’t order a breakfast. I ordered a cheese toastie!”
Behind the counter, all four waitresses huddled together, muttering in between giving me sideways glances, until eventually the waitress who’d taken my order said, “I forgot to put your order in! It won’t be long!”
No apology. No offer of a free hot drink to make amends for their sloppiness.
So, I paid for my cold coffee and headed for another cafe, where I ordered a toasted tea cake that took 20 minutes to reach my table, despite the place being almost empty.
The waitress’s excuse?
“We had to wait for the tea cake to toast!”
Oh! The tea cake required toasting before it became a toasted teacake! That explains it!
Newport has a new £100 million shopping centre, complete with several well-known chain restaurants that pride themselves on efficient, pleasant service.
The two independent cafes I visited will need to raise their game in a hurry if they want to survive.
After my meeting, I was asked where I’d like to have lunch.
My reply?
“Swansea!”
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Local hero:
As you know, I love a local hero.
There are so many of them living in our communities that we never get to hear about.
The Seishin Karate Club has been around in Llangennech for about four years and is run by one such hero.
Alan Bowen has been running classes mainly out of the community hall, but also has a few classes in Swiss Valley.
Alan is also a dab hand at arranging a whole host of activities for the local children, Easter Egg hunts, Christmas parties etc.
Every year, he arranges something for Children in Need, last year raising a staggering £1000 for the charity by staging a “kickathon”.
This year, about 60 students took part in a “punchathon” - and after finding out they managed 50,000 punches I was very relieved to hear it was punch bags they were using, not each other!
Do you have a local hero in your town or village?
Let me know about them and what they do!
These people are at the heart of our communities and often use their own spare time to keep our children entertained and off the streets.
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Parking nightmare:
Last Friday evening, I left home early, but not early enough I discovered, to attend an event at the ever popular Ffwrnes Theatre in Llanelli.
As it happened, it was the same evening that the carnival was taking place and it was also the switching on of the Christmas lights.
Cars were left parked in places that weren’t designed for parking as all the car parks within a half mile radius were full.
Now, here is my real gripe.
There is an old, long-standing multi-storey car park in the middle of Llanelli.
Yes, here we have an ideally located facility and an asset to the community which is vital if you want to bring business into the heart of a town centre, especially with an out of town shopping centre a mile away!
The multi storey car park closes at 7pm, unbelievable.
Who makes these decisions?
Clearly someone who doesn’t understand business or economics.
I personally spoke to four people who were unable to park.
Therefore, they decided to head off home.
Just think of the business that was lost that evening.
This is just the tip of the iceberg . . . shocking!
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You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales and www.philevans.co.uk
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