The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post

The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post.
Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy.
www.philevans.co.uk

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It’s nice to be important, but more important to be nice!
I always keep my finger on the pulse of the ‘hip’ and the ‘happening’ - except when I’m driving or pulling-up weeds from my driveway.
I read newspapers, listen to the radio, watch television and visit the cinema and theatre.
I talk to friends, family, colleagues and anyone I meet in the frozen food aisle at Tesco’s, gleaning information about every subject under the sun. Or the moon, if it’s dark outside.
My editor would like me to point out that other frozen food aisles are available.
Even though I’m so well-informed, I often feel distanced from the rest of the world, because of my total disinterest in those individuals whose faces fill the pages of glossy ‘celebrity gossip’ magazines for which entire forests of precious, oxygen-generating trees are sacrificed every year . . .
Reality TV ‘stars’ who are famous purely for being famous.
Actors/actresses, singers, comedians, writers, directors etc who spent years building their careers must find it galling when talent show rejects and talentless Big Brother contestants land a television series in which cameras follow their every mundane move.
They’re instantly dubbed ‘celebrities’ and quickly appear on other TV shows, all over the press and quite often, in lucrative commercials.
There are so many of them around it’s impossible to keep up.
As I realised when I recently read this headline in a tabloid...
“Caitlyn (Formerly Bruce) Jenner goes to cinema while rest of Kardashians support Khloe at recovering coma victim Lamar Odom’s bedside after his three-day, $79,000* drink and drugs fuelled binge in Dennis Hof’s Nevada bordello** ”.
As I tried to absorb what the headline was all about, I felt like a Martian who’d just arrived on Earth and picked-up a copy of the Post.
Okay, I’ve heard of the Kardashians, although I’d be unable to pick any of them out of a police line-up, have no idea what they do for a living or why anyone would be interested in people whose lives are permanently lived in the glare of a camera lens.
However, I’m aware there are people who would make sense of it and may even be concerned at the plight of Lamar Odom...whoever he is.
If you’re one of them, do please accept my sincere condolences.

*$79,000 for three days! How much does Dennis Hof charge for a pint?
** My editor would like me to point out that other bordellos are available.
. . . but how would he know?

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Cyber Hacking:
Well, fancy that, a few weeks after I decided to change over from Talk Talk, their customers were subjected to a “cyber attack”, which saw personal details of thousands of customers stolen online.
Honestly readers, I wasn't tipped off!
In this age of modern technology, though, it does make me wonder if we are actually much better off than our grandparents were?
How could my gran ever be subjected to a cyber attack when her wads of notes were always neatly kept under the embroidered runner on the sideboard?
I think she had the right idea!
The Post Office was the nearest technology our grandparents had in those days, and a trip there was today's version of social media; that's where you got all the village gossip and updates!
Now the best bit, if you'd walked all the way to the Post Office and someone back at home had forgotten to ask you to get something, you couldn't ring them…. no mobile phones!
And everybody had more exercise....
Now don’t get me started on that....

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Welsh Language Stand Up Comedy:
Being both Welsh-speaking and a comedian, over the years I have been persuaded to venture into the world of Welsh stand-up comedy, something I must admit that I did not embrace with open arms.
However, over the past few years I have found myself not only performing in, but also fronting many Welsh comedy events.
The problem many of my Welsh speaking comedy chums and I have experienced is that demands have been put on us to do more and more Welsh events and to keep Welsh language comedy alive.
But, in my experience, the people making these demands don’t seem to be venturing out and supporting the shows, or helping towards ensuring these events are well attended.
This is why we find ourselves doing most of our work in the English language in order to pay the bills.
Last Saturday, I found myself in a new Llanelli venue ‘Y Lle’, entertaining a room full of strong supporters of the language, organised by Menter Iaith Cwm Gwendraeth.
Great company with such friendly people and, to top it off, an extra hour in bed!

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You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales and www.philevans.co.uk