The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post

The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post.
Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy.
www.philevans.co.uk

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Church, football or comedy?
“There are lies, damn lies....and statistics!” goes the old saying. But I’m not sure that’s true. Otherwise, The Office For National Porkies would stand right next to The Office For National Statisics in Newport.
So, you can take what I’m about to tell you with a pinch of salt, unless you suffer from high blood pressure.
I recently read that in Britain, more people go to Church than attend football matches.
Monthly attendance at Church Of England services are around 1.7 million and the Catholic Church has similar numbers – so if you include followers of other religions, then probably 4 to 5 million people attend church regularly.
Compare that to the average weekly attendance at Premier League matches (680,000) and the average weekly attendance at non-league games (162,000) and it would seem that statement about church attendance is correct.
Although . . . .if we include football fans who watch a match via Sky Sports down their local pub, the total figure probably exceeds Church attendances.
That’s where football has an unfair advantage over religion because I’ve never walked past a pub that had a sign outside that said, “See Live Sunday Services On Our Big Screen TV! Enjoy A Sermon, A Steak and A Selection Of Fine Ales”.
I wonder how many customers that would pull in off the streets on Sundays?
But, here’s a fact that I found even more fascinating. Apparently, more people go to watch comedy than go to Church!
Why? Maybe comedians offer more spiritual sustenance and a more optimistic view of the human condition than your local vicar or parish priest.
What’s certain is this: although comedians come in all colours and religions, when we’re alone on stage with only the audience’s laughter to justify our existence, we’re all Christians in the Circus Maximus in Ancient Rome.
Some nights when the audience is restless or more interested in their own conversations, it feels like we’ve been thrown to ravenous lions.
Other nights, when the atmosphere is more combative, more gladiatorial, it only takes one strong blow with our sword – in the shape of a good joke - early on in our act and we can turn things around and survive to fight another day.
People have commented on my startling likeness to Russell Crowe, so next time you come to see me, my opening line could well be....
My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions!

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Boot Camp:
With so many children stuck indoors in front on the TV and computers, it was a refreshing change to hear about a great opportunity my good friend GI Joe from Llanelli has come up with when we caught up over a cuppa this week.
He's running a kids "Boot Camp" especially for children aged between 7 and 15 years involving military type training and fast paced games to keep them focused!
If they get to drive a tank, I'm signing up, too!
The sessions are being run from Bwlch Youth Centre in Morfa.
It's a sad fact that children are not getting as much exercise as they used to and this is a great opportunity to have some fun and get fit at the same time!
Obesity rates among our kids are at their highest ever.
What better way for them to get out and about in a safe environment where they can mix with others too?
Wish I was 12 . . . again!

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Failing eye sight:
It’s amazing the material I come across while browsing the newspapers.
A report has shown this week that more than 600 motorists have had their licences revoked for failing eye tests at the roadside since 2013, when Cassie's Law was introduced.
Some 609 drivers had their licence revoked more quickly than they would have before the law came into force.
Under the new procedure, police officers can request an urgent revocation of the licence through the DVLA if they believe other road users would be at risk.
Driving on our roads these days is becoming quite a hazard and safe driving, as my regular readers will know, is something I am passionate about.
Surely, if your eyesight isn't that good and you are aware that you can't see very well, you wouldn't get behind the wheel of a machine that could travel in excess of 70mph anyway.....would you?

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You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales and www.philevans.co.uk