The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post
The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post -
Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy.
I’m an upright citizen - even when I’m sitting down or sleeping.
That said, I have to admit that I once almost fell asleep standing up, watching a not-very-good mime act performing for an hour – and no, it wasn’t Dolly Parton at Glastonmuddy.
My usual Mr Upright mode can switch, however.
I can also morph into Mr Uptight.
The usual trigger for this Jeckyll and Hyde switch is provided by potholes.
For example, when I’m driving along a road like the one between Pontlliw and Pontarddulais – a highway that’s riddled with potholes so deep that each one should have a member of the Dan yr Ogof Cave Rescue Team, complete with hard hat and halogen lamp, standing next to it!
These are some scary potholes. Rumour has it that Lord Lucan fell into one and hasn’t been seen since.
Fall into some of them and shout your name and it would take three minutes for the echo to return!
I appreciate that the appalling wet winter exacerbated this problem, but that was several months ago.
In an ‘Ideal World’ (second left after Carpet World) the council would have taken advantage of the mild weather and got workmen to fill in the potholes.
After all, potholes cause damage to the vehicles that drive over them day after day.
If you’ve ever been in a car that’s hit a massive pothole, you’ll know what a jarring, bum-shuddering experience it can be.
And what makes me so uptight is that the motorist has no way of getting recompense for any damage done.
As I understand it, the maintenance of our roads is the responsibility our local councils or The Highways Agency, depending on who has responsibility for the road.
We pay a vast amount of money in Road Tax every year.
So, if this money isn’t used to fill in potholes in the road, what are we paying Road Tax for?
Answers, please, on the back of an insurance claim form for a wrecked suspension.
What are we paying Council Tax for, if the council won’t spend the money on priorities?
There’s pressure on all councils to save money, but surely it’s a false economy to cut spending on making our roads safer?
Money spent on road repairs and maintenance is an investment in cutting road traffic accidents.
Because if you’re riding a motorbike at only 30 miles an hour and your front wheel suddenly drops into a pothole, you are in serious trouble.
Injuries and fatalities are obviously the worst case scenarios, but whenever a road accident happens, it creates lengthy road closures and it involves the police and emergency services in time-consuming interviews and report-writing.
My local council (like others in the Post’s circulation area) has ignored the terrible state of the roads in order to save money.
But, meanwhile, the council has (as it does every year) spent money on beautifying the area by putting up hanging baskets full of flowers; hanging baskets which need watering every day by men from the parks and recreation department.
In their wisdom, and I use the word in its loosest form, the council has prioritised flowers over the safety and well-being of their residents.
I can appreciate a flower arrangement dripping water from 10 feet above my head every 50 yards as I walk along eating my Frank’s ice-cream (well, no I can’t, but you get what I mean).
But flower power should not come at the expense of having a knackered nearside front wheel, thanks to a flippin’ great jagged pothole in the road.
So here’s my (copyrighted) money-saving idea.
Councils should take down every hanging basket full of soil and peat . . .and place each one upside down in a pothole!
Simples! It saves money on whatever material they currently use to fill potholes. Problem solved.
Meanwhile, my new slogan –
Vote Phil Evans for Leader of the Council!
He’s Upright, Uptight. And he’ll bury those baskets clean out-ta sight!
--------
If you are a fan of comedy, you must check out the Neath Comedy Festival 2014.
Each year, this event goes from strength to strength and, five years in, the event promises to the best one yet.
When you have an event that is organised by professional comedians who book professional comedians, you are guaranteed value for money and a good time.
From July 28th to 31st this festival will have an international feel as it will showcase comedians from Australia, America, Canada, Spain and other parts of the UK.
This will be the ideal time to catch the international stars before they turn up at the Edinburgh Fringe.
If you like original, cutting edge comedy before they make it big, and at a discounted price, then the Neath Comedy Festival is the place to be.
Acts include -
Mon 28th Jul Brendon Burns: Hasn’t Heard of you Either.
Tue 29th Jul Al Lubel is still Al Lubel.
Wed 30th Jul Andrew Watts: Feminism for Chaps.
Thur 31st Jul Wes Zaharuk : Prop Man.
Website - http://theclownspocket.comedy-festivals.co.uk/
----------------
Yes, I admit it – I have a jet-set lifestyle.
Last month, it was Toronto. Last week, it was Llangwm in Pembrokeshire.
Of course, it’s not known as Llangwm. It is, of course, ‘Langum’, the fishing village once famous for its oysters, herrings and distinctively dressed women.
The occasion was the annual Llangwm Festival – and, believe it or not, I’d been invited back after an earlier appearance.
This is strange as the normal sequence of events is that I only get invited back to an event to apologise for my initial appearance (joke!).
Last week’s visit to Llangwm was not without its controversy.
For example, the local newspaper, The Western Telegraph, had made reference to comedy and ‘cwtches’.
Those who know me well will appreciate that I can bore for Wales on the subject of how a ‘cwtsh’ is always spelt with ‘sh’ rather than ‘ch’.
But, being a calm fellow, I let them off the ‘cwtsh’ blunder.
Besides, I had other things to worry about.
The festival is famous for its annual displays of fancy dress scarecrows (you name it, Buzz Lightyear, Shrek, Batman, they all put in an appearance).
Perhaps I stayed still a little too long – but there was no need for the question, “What sort of scarecrow are you dressed as, Phil?”
You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales
I’m an upright citizen - even when I’m sitting down or sleeping.
That said, I have to admit that I once almost fell asleep standing up, watching a not-very-good mime act performing for an hour – and no, it wasn’t Dolly Parton at Glastonmuddy.
My usual Mr Upright mode can switch, however.
I can also morph into Mr Uptight.
The usual trigger for this Jeckyll and Hyde switch is provided by potholes.
For example, when I’m driving along a road like the one between Pontlliw and Pontarddulais – a highway that’s riddled with potholes so deep that each one should have a member of the Dan yr Ogof Cave Rescue Team, complete with hard hat and halogen lamp, standing next to it!
These are some scary potholes. Rumour has it that Lord Lucan fell into one and hasn’t been seen since.
Fall into some of them and shout your name and it would take three minutes for the echo to return!
I appreciate that the appalling wet winter exacerbated this problem, but that was several months ago.
In an ‘Ideal World’ (second left after Carpet World) the council would have taken advantage of the mild weather and got workmen to fill in the potholes.
After all, potholes cause damage to the vehicles that drive over them day after day.
If you’ve ever been in a car that’s hit a massive pothole, you’ll know what a jarring, bum-shuddering experience it can be.
And what makes me so uptight is that the motorist has no way of getting recompense for any damage done.
As I understand it, the maintenance of our roads is the responsibility our local councils or The Highways Agency, depending on who has responsibility for the road.
We pay a vast amount of money in Road Tax every year.
So, if this money isn’t used to fill in potholes in the road, what are we paying Road Tax for?
Answers, please, on the back of an insurance claim form for a wrecked suspension.
What are we paying Council Tax for, if the council won’t spend the money on priorities?
There’s pressure on all councils to save money, but surely it’s a false economy to cut spending on making our roads safer?
Money spent on road repairs and maintenance is an investment in cutting road traffic accidents.
Because if you’re riding a motorbike at only 30 miles an hour and your front wheel suddenly drops into a pothole, you are in serious trouble.
Injuries and fatalities are obviously the worst case scenarios, but whenever a road accident happens, it creates lengthy road closures and it involves the police and emergency services in time-consuming interviews and report-writing.
My local council (like others in the Post’s circulation area) has ignored the terrible state of the roads in order to save money.
But, meanwhile, the council has (as it does every year) spent money on beautifying the area by putting up hanging baskets full of flowers; hanging baskets which need watering every day by men from the parks and recreation department.
In their wisdom, and I use the word in its loosest form, the council has prioritised flowers over the safety and well-being of their residents.
I can appreciate a flower arrangement dripping water from 10 feet above my head every 50 yards as I walk along eating my Frank’s ice-cream (well, no I can’t, but you get what I mean).
But flower power should not come at the expense of having a knackered nearside front wheel, thanks to a flippin’ great jagged pothole in the road.
So here’s my (copyrighted) money-saving idea.
Councils should take down every hanging basket full of soil and peat . . .and place each one upside down in a pothole!
Simples! It saves money on whatever material they currently use to fill potholes. Problem solved.
Meanwhile, my new slogan –
Vote Phil Evans for Leader of the Council!
He’s Upright, Uptight. And he’ll bury those baskets clean out-ta sight!
--------
If you are a fan of comedy, you must check out the Neath Comedy Festival 2014.
Each year, this event goes from strength to strength and, five years in, the event promises to the best one yet.
When you have an event that is organised by professional comedians who book professional comedians, you are guaranteed value for money and a good time.
From July 28th to 31st this festival will have an international feel as it will showcase comedians from Australia, America, Canada, Spain and other parts of the UK.
This will be the ideal time to catch the international stars before they turn up at the Edinburgh Fringe.
If you like original, cutting edge comedy before they make it big, and at a discounted price, then the Neath Comedy Festival is the place to be.
Acts include -
Mon 28th Jul Brendon Burns: Hasn’t Heard of you Either.
Tue 29th Jul Al Lubel is still Al Lubel.
Wed 30th Jul Andrew Watts: Feminism for Chaps.
Thur 31st Jul Wes Zaharuk : Prop Man.
Website - http://theclownspocket.comedy-festivals.co.uk/
----------------
Yes, I admit it – I have a jet-set lifestyle.
Last month, it was Toronto. Last week, it was Llangwm in Pembrokeshire.
Of course, it’s not known as Llangwm. It is, of course, ‘Langum’, the fishing village once famous for its oysters, herrings and distinctively dressed women.
The occasion was the annual Llangwm Festival – and, believe it or not, I’d been invited back after an earlier appearance.
This is strange as the normal sequence of events is that I only get invited back to an event to apologise for my initial appearance (joke!).
Last week’s visit to Llangwm was not without its controversy.
For example, the local newspaper, The Western Telegraph, had made reference to comedy and ‘cwtches’.
Those who know me well will appreciate that I can bore for Wales on the subject of how a ‘cwtsh’ is always spelt with ‘sh’ rather than ‘ch’.
But, being a calm fellow, I let them off the ‘cwtsh’ blunder.
Besides, I had other things to worry about.
The festival is famous for its annual displays of fancy dress scarecrows (you name it, Buzz Lightyear, Shrek, Batman, they all put in an appearance).
Perhaps I stayed still a little too long – but there was no need for the question, “What sort of scarecrow are you dressed as, Phil?”
You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales
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