The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post


The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post.
Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy.
www.philevans.co.uk


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THE STAND-UP WHO SIMPLY WON’T STAND FOR IT!

Unless you’re a fan of American stand-up comedy, you may not have heard of Amy Schumer.
She emerged in recent years and developed into a younger version of the late Joan Rivers.
Although as outrageous, insulting and downright rude that Joan could be on stage, she didn’t pepper her act with four-letter words like Ms. Schumer.
Since 2013 she’s had her own TV series, “Inside Amy Schumer”; she makes hit movies; and when she tours, she no longer plays cramped, sweaty comedy ‘clubs’ in basements where you go down several steps, physically and socially.
This girl sells out arenas.
So you’d think with all her success, having managed to survive through the early years – and it must be far tougher for comediennes starting out than it is for their male equivalents - during which time she learned her stage craft and how to write and deliver exceptionally strong, funny material, she’d be immune to criticism from the press and the paying public.
But that just isn’t the case.
She recently played the 02 Arena in London and packed the place out.
But there were posters all around the place warning audience members that, not only were they banned from filming or recording her show – which is fair enough – they were also banned from heckling her!
I’m not keen on hecklers, but they sometimes add value to a comedy show if the comedian can hit them with enough amusing insults to make them realise they’re being obnoxious.
If they’re too drunk or too stupid to realise their comments are spoiling the show for everyone else, they should be ejected.
But only when the comedian has exhausted every heckler put-down in his or her repertoire.
So with all her years of experience, why did Ms Schumer or her management put a ban on hecklers at the O2?
It may be connected to an incident at a show she performed in Stockholm in which a heckler shouted out something Ms. Schumer took exception to and she had him thrown out.
It was a crude comment, but hardly the most earth-shatteringly offensive insult she would have heard.
Amy’s a powerful stage presence and could easily deal with idiot audience members.
That said, if you come to see me working, please don’t shout out what that man in Stockholm did.
Because I will not get my boobs out for anyone!

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Cats!

We’ve all said it . . . “Well, I’ve heard everything now!”
Believe me, you haven’t.
I thought it was a joke when I read it in a national paper, although it was too late for April Fool’s Day.
But it’s true. David Teie from the University of Maryland has made a CD of tunes aimed at music-loving cats, originally financed through a kick-starter scheme that raised $250,000 – proving that America is a land of rich cat-lovers.
When Universal Music heard about it, they agreed to release it all around the world!
The music features purring and suckling noises, as well as David Teie on his cello accompanied by players from the US National Symphony Orchestra.
David stresses that the CD is aimed at calming and bringing pleasure to cats, rather than getting them excited.
I’m not sure if the CD will include such tunes as “Careless Whiskers”, “A Moggy Day In London Town”;“Purrfect Day” or Slade’s “Claws I Luv You”.
What I’d really like to know is, how can you train a cat to turn a CD player on and off?

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Turkey

This week’s column comes to you directly from Oludeniz, in Turkey, where I have been relaxing and recharging my batteries for the past two weeks.
For the record, this place has not seen a drop of rain for months, temperatures have reached 42c on a regular basis and still there is no mention of a hose pipe ban.
Now that wouldn't happen in Wales!
Even when I take time off, I'm conscious of the fact that I've made a commitment to write a column every week for this newspaper, which prevents me from totally switching off and at times can be challenging.
But modern technology does allow me the freedom to write, engage and connect with the newspaper, the readers and my social media followers with relative ease.
Technology also keeps me informed of news updates and events back home and the four corners of the world.
These are amazing benefits, enabling communications to travel quicker than ever before – to the point where the world now seems a much smaller place.
No then. Here is my question to you.

Could you survive and would you want to live in a world without the internet?

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You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales and www.philevans.co.uk

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