The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post


The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post.
Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy.
www.philevans.co.uk

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IT’LL BE A RUBBISH SUMMER . . . IF YOU DON’T USE A BIN.

I was reading The Evening Post recently (No, I wasn’t in a coffee shop at the time, some of you might be surprised to learn) and although it was jam-packed with interesting articles – as always – one in particular caught my attention. Part of it is reproduced here...
A dedicated cleaning team is now on hand at two Blue Flag beaches on Gower to keep them looking their best throughout the school summer holidays.
Swansea Council has placed two members of staff at the busy beaches of Caswell and Langland until September.
I also read articles in other Welsh newspapers about the tons of rubbish being left behind by bone-idle, bone-headed day-trippers on Barry Island beach and that the streets of Cardiff City Centre were in a disgusting state due to discarded food cartons and hungry seagulls tearing open piles of bin-bags awaiting collection.
Not a great sight to greet tourists who flock to Wales this time of year, or for the residents and workers.
You’ll remember the mountains of detritus left behind after Glastonbury and similar scenes of discarded bottles, nappies (and worse) the morning after other summer festivals around the U.K.
That all adds up to an awful lot of rubbish, carelessly and lazily left behind.
Britain appears in danger of becoming a massive ‘Council Dump’ from Lands End to John O’ Groats, by way of The Gower.
So, what’s going on? Read this further extract from the Post’s article...
The two additional members of staff are responsible for emptying bins, litter-picking and cleaning facilities including toilets.
Two people may be responsible for cleaning-up the mess, but thousands of us (myself excluded, of course) are responsible for creating it.
As my Uncle Cledwyn used to say about space travel, “It’s not rocket science”.
He was a lovely chap, but could never master a metaphor.
Anyone who spends a day at a beach, park or beauty spot – taking along cans, crisps and sandwiches – will, after devouring their feast, have accrued a substantial pile of rubbish.
If they can’t find a bin, they shouldn’t just dump it wherever they like. That’s slovenly, anti-social, irresponsible and, when I am elected President, it will become a capital offence.
They should bag it, take it home and deposit each item in the appropriate re-cycling box.
It’s a simple ‘no-brainer’ - even for day-trippers with no brains.

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Why Suffer and Tie Yourself Up?

When we have a heat wave that’s so sizzling you see chickens laying fried eggs on the pavement, I wonder “What is the point of wearing a tie?”
Or, as our American cousins call it . . . ‘the neck tie’.
Because it’s the most pointless, useless item of clothing known to man – and when the weather is sweltering it’s also the most annoying.
I don’t often wear them, but there are occasions other than weddings and funerals when I’m expected to dress formerly – which means a collar and tie. Oh, and trousers. I don’t want to be arrested for that again. And if the venue is hot, I get bothered.
The sole purpose of a tie is to act as a barrier against soup, curry and red wine staining a man’s shirt.
Ties can also cause family rifts.
One Christmas my mother bought me a red tie and a blue tie. I went upstairs to get dressed and came down wearing the red one. My mother glared at me and said “So . . . what’s wrong with the other one?”

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A Blast From The Past

I have just returned from a lovely trip to Sidmouth where I had the pleasure of attending the start of another amazingly entertaining FolkWeek.
This event has to be up there with the best.
Here we have an unique week-long seaside celebration of music, dance and song taking place in the charming East Devon regency coastal resort.
This event attracts tens of thousands of visitors to over 700 diverse events with a broad ‘something for everyone’ appeal.
With an ear to the past and an eye on the future, the festival features established stars and emerging talent. Major concerts and small intimate sessions, folk dancing and storytelling - brilliant fun family entertainment.
Personally, the highlight for me was a lady that many of you would remember, Pam Ayres. Yes – a blast from the past who can still draw a sell out crowd. After all these years Pam can still deliver new hilariously funny stories and poems that many of today's new acts can only dream of.
The town’s streets and venues were bursting with a festive atmosphere as holidaymakers and festival goers join together in the friendliest music-based holiday of the summer.

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You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales and www.philevans.co.uk

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