The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post


The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post.
Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy.
www.philevans.co.uk

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DON’T DRESS FOR DINNER!

If you’ve been a regular reader of my random thoughts for the past couple of years, I’ve got two things to say to you.
Firstly . . . thank you! It’s gratifying that at least one person doesn’t immediately turn to the next page when they see my name at the top of this one and enjoys reading what I’ve written – even if you don’t agree with everything I say!
Secondly . . . you’re obviously highly intelligent, with a discerning taste in journalistic content.
That being the case, presumably you’ve read about the new London restaurant that caters for naked diners?
That’s right - a place where you have to be nude to eat the food!
When I first read about it, I had the same horrific mental picture as you just did, of a crowd of exhibitionists in their saggy, baggy birthday suits, stuffing their faces . . . with all their bits and pieces on display.
Pass the sick bag!
Remarkably – and worryingly – at the last count, it has a waiting-list of 46,000 people!
As it’s only open for the summer months - presumably because winter heating bills would be astronomical – it’s bound to be a success.
I couldn’t eat in a place where I and my fellow diners were completely starkers.
From a practical point of view, where would we keep our credit cards to pay the bill?
No answers on postcards, please!
Not to put too fine a point on it, before I sat down I’d have to be assured that immediately after the previous diner had vacated it, my chair had been thoroughly disinfected, steam-cleaned and fumigated by a HAZ-MAT hazardous materials team.
And then given a light dusting with a flame-thrower!
London seems to have gone nudism crazy, because on the same day The Queen attended the Trooping Of The Colour Ceremony, several hundred nude cyclists pedalled through the capital on ‘World Naked Bike Ride Day’.
No, it wasn’t marked on my calendar either.
The organiser (a bicycle-spokes-person?) said, “It’s a celebration of the bicycle, the power and individuality of the human body and a symbol of the vulnerability of cyclists in traffic.”
I do hope that immediately after he said that, a boggle-eyed motorist, stunned at the sight of a thousand wobbling pink bottoms, didn’t suddenly swerve, knock him off his bike and send him sprawling face down in The Mall just as The Queen drove past.
“Oh, look, Phillip! What an unusual place to park one’s bike!”
Bare-faced cheek!

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Creative Space:

Each week my aim is to come up with interesting, challenging and sometimes colourful content to fill column inches for you, the reader.
Often this content flows easily, but at times the brain is not as creative as one would like, therefore inspiration is needed to kick start the process, hopefully leading on to something that will be worth reading.
What often helps is the various fascinating meetings I have during the week, many of which are also held in some interesting places.
Having said that, one of my oldest and dearest friends, John Howell from Llansamlet, who is a character that closely resembles ‘Victor Meldrew’, and could easily be mistaken for the grumpy character in Last Of The Summer Wine, often contacts me to say that for yet another week, I have failed to mention that I've been in a coffee shop.
Now then – let me set the record straight.
Much can be seen and gained by spending time in such surroundings.
In fact, some of my best material and ideas started life in a coffee shop.
So, if you do see me in one that you frequent, please say hello.

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It’s all change:

What a week it's been.
The way change is taking place at the moment – in six months time we may easily be mistaken for living on another planet.
The newspapers have never had it so good – stories and breaking news on a daily basis.
At this rate, we may even have enough material to bring back that amazingly topical satirical Spitting Image TV show. Now there's a thought!
Another lady at the helm and a Prime Minister that the nation hadn’t banked on up until the last minute.
Margaret Thatcher must be looking down, smiling and thinking, “all we need now is a woman in charge of America and the future will be safe.”
Yes, I know what you’re thinking.
There is so much more that could be said here but I'm playing safe and quickly running out of column inches.
One thing Theresa May seems to be saying with her cabinet reshuffle is that the previous Government really was rubbish. Just an observation, obviously.

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You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales and www.philevans.co.uk

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