The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post


The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post.
Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy.
www.philevans.co.uk


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Summertime:

Mister Summer’s arrived at our front doors for his annual visit, carrying a suitcase full of sunshine.
He usually hangs around for a couple of months and although his warm personality is always welcome, he can be a notoriously contrary visitor.
He has a tendency to unexpectedly pop-off on holiday at the drop of a Panama hat for a couple of days, allowing his greyer, rather more miserable brother Mister Rain to move in temporarily and dampen everyone’s spirits.
He certainly dampened my spirits the afternoon I left half a glass of vodka outside on the patio table during a thunderstorm and returned to find it diluted and undrinkable.
One thing I don’t like about summertime is the proliferation of ‘mini-beasts’ it brings out.
If I decide to relax in my garden with a coffee and newspaper, within minutes the creepy crawly clarion call goes up and my chair’s invaded by ants; woodlice; wasps; bluebottles; flies; beetles; big fat bumble bees . . . and spiders of varying size.
Although I’ve had a few unpleasant confrontations with insects and arachnids, thankfully I’ve never gone through what Victoria Price from Porthcawl recently experienced.
Suffering from a pain in her ear, she asked her husband Huw to take a look.
To his surprise (and her horror!) he found a live spider lurking in the ear canal. So, they went straight to the Princess of Wales hospital in Bridgend, where she was treated by nurse practitioner Sarah Gaze.
According to Victoria, “Sarah shone a torch in my ear, said ‘Okay’ and then went off to find someone who would take it out.”
Who was that? Indiana Jones?
Removing the spider was a straightforward task, involving tweezers, a steady hand and a lot of patience. As to how the spider got there, Victoria thinks it was hiding in the hood of a coat she’d put on after swimming in the sea.
Worryingly, this isn’t an isolated incident.
A couple of years ago, the singer Katie Melua kept hearing a scratching noise – and when she went to the doctor’s she discovered to her shock that it was caused by a spider living inside her ear.
Worryingly, it’d been there for a week!
And hadn’t the decency to pay something towards the rent.
So, before you rest your head on your pillow tonight, check there’s nothing nasty scrabbling around in your bed and don’t let your ear become a web-site!

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Peak of health:

Wasn't it fantastic to see Major Tim Peake, Britain’s first official astronaut, return back to Earth?
I wonder if he is suffering from the same jet lag as I am after returning from Vancouver last week?
Do you get jet lag after flying home from outer space? Answers on a postcard please.
On 15th January this year Major Peake became the first Briton to complete a space walk and on 24th April became the first astronaut to run a marathon in space, completing a virtual reality version of the London Marathon in a time of 3:35:21.
During his six months on the ISS Major Peake was able to talk directly with students and answer hundreds of their questions through the Cosmic Classroom live link up. Amazing stuff.
If that doesn't inspire a whole new little bunch of future astronauts, I don't know what will!
My favourite part of his journey though has to be when pensioner Betty Barker, 79, received an unexpected call from the International Space Station after Major Peake dials the wrong number.
Now that beats those boring PPI claim cold calls . . .

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Peace in our World:

It's very hard to crack a smile this week. There seems to be so much in the news to upset and worry us, on top of that its raining as I write this so that always makes you feel 10 times more miserable than you originally were!
So, what is going on?
An MP brutally murdered in her home town in broad daylight, it seems that now people can't even feel safe on the streets where they grew up. But how much of this is made worse by the media? We are suffocated by images on the news, social media and newspapers, which makes us worry for our safety all the more.
The best answer to this in my opinion is to live every day to the fullest, look after your friends and family and enjoy life.
We can't be scared by a minority of evil.
We owe it to Jo Cox and her family to keep her name alive and everything she campaigned so hard for.
May she rest in peace.

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You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales and www.philevans.co.uk

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