The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post

The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post.
Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy.
www.philevans.co.uk

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It’s Not A Fair Cop Guv

A recent TV documentary focused on people who’d ‘had a go’ - from stopping an armed robbery to helping someone who’d fallen ill.
Some were glad they’d intervened, some regretted being Good Samaritans.
Was there ever a Bad Samaritan?
The consensus was . . . leave it to the police.
However, emergencies often require a split-second reaction.
If you saw someone’s life was in danger, would you wait for the Police or step in? I don’t think any of us know until it happens.
Should you ever need the assistance of the police, would you particularly care what language they spoke?
It’s a question worth asking because Dyfed-Powys Police are actively recruiting Welsh-speaking officers.
I’m a Welsh speaker, but if I was caught in the middle of a crisis that required the boys and girls in blue to get me out of it, I really wouldn’t care when the cops arrived, if they greeted me with “Wyt ti'n iawn?” or “You alright, mate?” and I don’t suppose you would either.
I’d just be thankful they’d turned up.
I have huge respect for the police, but shouldn’t they be ‘actively recruiting’ first-rate personnel who are able to react calmly and intelligently to the many different situations they’re expected to deal with, without giving specific preference to the language they speak?
It’s not just more Welsh-speaking police officers that Dyfed-Powys Police are concerned with.
“Another objective is to ensure staff and officers have the appropriate knowledge and resources to take into account its ageing population through service delivery and workforce management.”
Service delivery and workforce management?
Are they a police force or a B and Q warehouse?
You know those TV info-mercials flogging household appliances that aren’t available in the shops (“Ring now and ask about the £850 a month easy-payment plan!) and every time you think they’ve finished they shout “That’s not all!” and offer something more?
Well, “That’s not all!” Dyfed Powys Police have to say . . .
“Having specific objectives helps keep everyone’s mind focused and most importantly ensures that we are developing a service which our communities have had an opportunity to have a say in.”
Ouch! That wording’s so clunky, my head hurts!
It’s only a suggestion, but before they recruit more Welsh-speaking officers , it might be a good idea to hire someone who can write and speak clear, concise English.
I can make myself available on Tuesday afternoons.
Evenin’ all!

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Make Hay while the sun shines:

Well, I have to say, the prospect of a day at the Hay Festival last Bank Holiday Monday was a daunting one.
I had heard that it would be full of gentlemen in straw boaters reading the Daily Telegraph and chatting about their yacht which was moored just off Saint Tropez.
How wrong was I!
What a fantastic day out.
The sun was blazing down on the beautiful town of Hay on Wye, the streets were jam-packed with all sorts of stalls including crafts, books, antiques, wonderful food and drink. There really was something for everyone.
The festival park was a great place if you are a lover of reading, with many famous authors on hand to sign a copy of their latest books.
I nearly tripped over Ruby Wax on my way to get a cake in the food tent; there was no way she was beating me to the last Welsh Cake!
A great day out was had by all. Well done to the organisers. I will definitely be returning next year for a few days. Who knows, maybe I’ll have written my own book by then?

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Room with a view:

You'll be glad to learn that I safely made it.
I'm writing this week’s column from the comfort of my hotel room which is in the Fairmont Waterfront Vancouver. Isn’t technology great?
This means that I can be anywhere in the world and still communicate with the South Wales Evening Post and meet their strict printing deadlines.
Except for Rhyl, there is never a good wi-fi signal in Rhyl!
This Canadian hotel offers views of the harbour and mountains and actually reminds me a little of the Marina in Swansea!
It doesn't quite have the same aroma though.
There are cruise ships coming and going and sea planes taking off and landing at regular intervals. I really should stop daydreaming now and do some work.
I wonder if I could learn to fly a sea plane in seven days?
That way, I wouldn't have to get on that monster aeroplane for the flight home!
Who knows?
Keep an eye out over the Marina next week; I may just be flying myself home and landing on the river by Sainsbury’s!

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You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales and www.philevans.co.uk