The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post


The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post.
Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy.
www.philevans.co.uk

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Dirty habits: 

I’m a mind reader. Ammanford’s own Derren Brown, if you like.
But with a lot less cash in the bank and a lot more hair on my head than the mysterious maestro of magical manipulation.
And to demonstrate my pseudo-supernatural skills, I predict that when I tell you I’m talking rubbish this week, many of you will ask, “So what’s new?”
Nevertheless, I will talk rubbish, because I see it everywhere I go.
Crisp packets, cans, bottles, polystyrene food containers from well-known burger chains and paper bags from equally well-known bakers/sausage roll emporiums.
They pollute our streets, parks, grass verges, back alleys, front gardens and even our driveways.
We’re under attack from an army of idiots who think it’s okay to drop their litter outside our houses at three am and “Somebody else will clear it up”.
No, mate!
You bought the can.
You bought the burger.
So YOU have to take your rubbish home.
People behave in this slovenly way partly because we’re too nervous to tell them they’re doing something wrong in case we get sworn at . . . or worse.
I'm all for stiff penalties for dropping litter and more should be done to raise awareness of the problem.
How about allowing mobile phone pictures and video evidence being used to prosecute people?
Last week, I saw someone ‘Spring-cleaning’ his car while driving along a busy road.
Out through the driver’s window flew sweet wrappers, paper cups and empty sandwich packets.
Until I saw it for myself, I would never have believed a pig – especially one who’d had its brain removed - could be taught to drive.
And don’t get me started on cigarette ends!
A friend of mine works in a large local hospital which – quite naturally - bans smoking in the grounds.
Nevertheless, every morning his first job is to use an industrial blower to create a path for patients and visitors through a pile of cigarette ends discarded by thoughtless smokers.
I take pride in my environment and have always respected people who feel the same way.
But, clearly, there’s a substantial element of society who see nothing wrong in polluting the world around them and creating a filthy atmosphere for others
Now you’ve read the article and realised how fired-up and frustrated I am about litter, if you still think I’m talking rubbish, you know what you can do with your opinion.
Put it in the nearest bin!

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Victoria Wood – An appreciation:

When I switched on the TV news to find that Victoria Wood had died at 62, I was genuinely shocked.
Possessing her own distinctive style, she was a pioneer in a male-dominated world and no British comedienne who followed in her wake could emulate the quality of her work.
I loved her sketch shows, her sitcoms, her songs, her stand-up routines and her superbly-written TV plays and films, not all of which were comedies.
Victoria created an astonishing body of work in a relatively short lifetime.
Right from her early days in the business she realised that to hone your craft, you have to put the hours in – and it paid off.
We live in a time of ‘C’ list ‘celebrities’ famous for being famous – what an empty, pointless existence that must be!
They’ll be forgotten in a few years – I don’t even know 99% of them now.
But the multi-talented Victoria Wood will always be remembered as long as our world contains laughter, compassion . . . and custard creams.

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Summer sun:

As I write this item, my mind is wandering to thoughts about summer and, more importantly, as we live in Wales, will we get one?
I'm not sure if these thoughts of long summer days and warm summer nights could have been triggered by last weekend’s sunshine and the thought that a relaxing break will soon be needed.
My spies tell me that travel agents are currently very busy with enquiries which may even lead to a record increase in sales.
So does this mean that the financially hard times are over and that people have more cash to spend, or is it that people will always find the money needed to spend on what makes them feel good?
A change is as good as a rest but, unfortunately, most people will venture overseas in order to guarantee sunshine, which is sad really as we are blessed to live in a truly beautiful part of the world.
One of my friends tried to persuade me to go camping this year, but after some consideration I have now decided that nobody needs friends like this. Life is hard enough.

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You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales and www.philevans.co.uk

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