The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post

The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post

Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy

-----------------------

So there I was, sat up in bed, silently ruminating (they can’t touch you for it as long as you’re wearing a nightcap) about various subjects I could entertain you with this week, when my ‘phone went.
It just got up and walked off.
Not really. That was just a figure of speech.
Unlike Neath’s Katherine Jenkins, who’s a peach of a figure.
I answered the ‘phone and it was a fellah calling for a taxi. This happens occasionally as my ‘phone number is just one digit away from that of a local taxi firm.
As he was calling at such a late hour, interrupting me mid-rumination, I gave him a right earful – before asking him where he was, where he wanted to be taken and how much he’d be prepared to pay me.
Ten minutes later, I was dressed, in my car and on my way to pick up my first ever customer who was standing outside Sam and Ella’s Take-Away, holding a nasty-looking kebab in one hand and his girlfriend with the other.
I said, “Sorry mate. You can’t bring that unhygienic thing into my car!”
So he told his girlfriend to walk home, kissed her goodnight and got in.
And it’s lucky for me he did, because he was a classical violinist, still sober enough to engage in conversation about the possible content of this week’s page.
He said “Why don’t you write about Strauss!” and I said “I don’t know much about the composer of The Blue Danube.”
It turned out he still had a large chunk of kebab stuck in his mouth and what he was trying to say was “Why don’t you write about stress?”
I thought that was a great idea. Well I did, once I’d calmed down.
Because I know all about stress.
Not only because I’m a comedian and I’m so familiar with those last few minutes before I step on stage to entertain people, when my heart is beating slightly faster and my adrenaline is pumping and I’m wondering why I chose this way to make a living , but also in everyday life – just like most people.
Yes, lots of us suffer with stress on a daily basis.
Just driving back and forth to work and being stuck in endless traffic jams, or witnessing thoughtless drivers speeding through red lights can stress us out, as can hanging around waiting for ‘buses and trains that are delayed or cancelled.
But most of us cope with these things and life’s other annoyances.
It’s when we’re faced with major - and sometimes long term - problems that we find it hard to cope. That’s when it begins to affect our health, leading to high blood pressure and in some cases strokes and heart attacks.
The good news is, there are plenty of ways we can reduce stress.
And I’ll be checking them in readiness for a future column.
In the meantime if you want to chill out, I recommend ruminating.

----------------------

I don't know what it is but over the last week I have nearly eaten my body weight in chocolate.
Could I have become a chocoholic or am I just comfort eating?
If I'm comfort eating what is the reason? What has brought this on? Work, stress?
Is it just me or is everybody turning to chocolate?
At this rate I will need to go clothes shopping for the next size up and won't be able to afford chocolate!
Addictions to comfort food are increasingly common, but I think I’ve found the answer!
Join a gym, eat chocolate while you’re on the treadmill ... and you are burning off the calories as you are eating them! Result!
But seriously, it’s all about moderation. A little of what you fancy and all that.
We are what we eat, if we eat well during the week and do a bit of exercise every day, a treat on the weekend makes it all worthwhile.
When I was young, chocolate was maybe a once a week treat, if that.
Now, it has become a staple part of most of our diets... and the more you eat, the more you crave (or is that just me?).

-----------------

Ok, I’ve had it, I’m never visiting a supermarket again!
Every checkout is full, I’m in a rush, the only option left is the “self checkout”.
I’ve got to admit, I break out in a sweat every time.
The only plus is I’ve got my own bag, so I carefully place it in the bagging area...damn, unexpected item in the bagging area. No, it’s my bag. Surely that’s where it belongs?
Apparently not. Along comes smiley lady with her authorisation badge to swipe me through to the next round.
I scan my first item, razors. Authorisation needed. Along comes smiley lady once more to authorise my purchase. Hmmm, her smile is a little more forced this time.
Next item, shrink-wrapped 18 pack of bottled water, I can’t seem to get the scanner to find the barcode, I try upside down, sideways, backwards, nope. It’s too big for the scanner. Smiley lady now looking a little irritated.
Panic sets in, I scan the rest at the speed of light, head down, forget my PIN and make a run for the door.
Next week, it’s internet shopping all the way!

----------------------

You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales