The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post
The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post -
Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy.
Like many comedians I ‘push the envelope’. In fact, I do it 200-300 times a day in my part-time job pushing envelopes containing money-off vouchers and coupon through letterboxes in and around Swansea.
OK, I am joking. But the editor has asked if I can press the joke button early in my weekly columns!
The ‘boss’ is also starting to think I’ve got it in for local councils following my rants about potholes and the disappearance of the rat-catcher.
There’s no worries on that front as I am only just starting to warm to my task: my one-man mission to give Joe Public, aka Dai Jones, aka the man in the street, a chance to have his say.
Local councils are centre in the hairlines of my telescopic sights again this week simply because I believe public servants actually hate providing anything positive for the public.
Council employees – I’m not knocking hard-working refuse collectors; street cleaners; carers or anyone else other than council decision makers - have little or no experience in industry or commerce.
Yet they make and enforce policies that often disadvantage the council-tax-paying public on many levels.
What gets my goat – the one tethered to a tree in my garden to keep the weeds down – is those 'decision makers' get paid whether their performance is good, bad or indifferent.
I imagine they spend most of their ‘working’ day attending meetings where one person speaks and the others doze, text or play on-line bingo.
When they return to their office, they twang rubber bands at each other across their desks and argue about who’s going down the canteen for half-a-dozen espressos.
They eventually settle down to do some work just before ‘wash hands time’ around 4.45 pm (I’ve worked in offices so I’m familiar with this time-wasting ritual), when they’ll make a decision that’ll get right up the noses of the very people whose council tax payments contribute to their salaries.
We’re told we’re out of the recent recession, but when I’m out and about in Wales I find that hard to believe.
Yes some businesses are successful, but many are just ticking over in the hope that things will improve.
Many have shut up shop . . .literally.
Consumers need encouragement to visit Swansea city centre or towns like Llanelli and Neath.
The fewer obstacles in their way, the more chance shoppers have to support our local city and town centres; the more chance our local centres have to compete and survive.
Council car park charges are such an obstacle.
In retail, sales and marketing are 'key' ingredients to encourage the public to spend their money in shops, cafes, bars, restaurants, cinemas, clubs and theatres.
But local councils interfere with this process due to lack of business-sense and common-sense.
Councils don’t see motorists as people who might boost the economy in their town.
They see them as cash cows, providing milk every time they buy a car park ticket.
It’s especially outrageous for councils to charge for parking in towns where established High Street names and quirky, entrepreneurial independents are out-numbered by charity shops, ‘cash for gold and pay day loan’ merchants and closed-down businesses.
Undeniably, the mix of charity and pawnbroker type names give town centres a tawdry, neglected air.
But as uninviting as these towns are, councils still expect us to pay to park our cars before we run the gauntlet of chuggers, beggars, druggies, drunks, kids on bikes and skateboards, “had an injury?” agents and heaven knows what else, before we can find a decent shop that can sell us the item which prompted out visit to town.
No wonder out-of-town retail parks are so popular.
Free parking, no hassle, attractive places to eat and drink and plenty of consumer choice.
Of course, if we don't shop in our town centres in vast numbers, then more businesses will close down and be replaced by less salubrious outlets - or maybe there will be no new businesses at all, so the council will miss out on the business rates they collect.
I suggest they employ experts to establish what might encourage the public to once again spend money in town and city centre businesses, many of which have been part of our culture for decades
If this approach isn’t welcomed, why not start with free parking, less restricted parking and easier access?
It seems crazy for councils to charge for parking in a town centre dying on its feet and one simple remedy could be applied with the stroke of a pen.
A pen that writes these words on a sign...
“FREE PARKING SEVEN DAYS A WEEK”
The truth of the matter is, local government politics make me long for the simplicity – and reasonableness - of the Middle East!
Must dash now.
Left my car on double yellows!
Oh, yeah?.As if you never have!
Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy.
Like many comedians I ‘push the envelope’. In fact, I do it 200-300 times a day in my part-time job pushing envelopes containing money-off vouchers and coupon through letterboxes in and around Swansea.
OK, I am joking. But the editor has asked if I can press the joke button early in my weekly columns!
The ‘boss’ is also starting to think I’ve got it in for local councils following my rants about potholes and the disappearance of the rat-catcher.
There’s no worries on that front as I am only just starting to warm to my task: my one-man mission to give Joe Public, aka Dai Jones, aka the man in the street, a chance to have his say.
Local councils are centre in the hairlines of my telescopic sights again this week simply because I believe public servants actually hate providing anything positive for the public.
Council employees – I’m not knocking hard-working refuse collectors; street cleaners; carers or anyone else other than council decision makers - have little or no experience in industry or commerce.
Yet they make and enforce policies that often disadvantage the council-tax-paying public on many levels.
What gets my goat – the one tethered to a tree in my garden to keep the weeds down – is those 'decision makers' get paid whether their performance is good, bad or indifferent.
I imagine they spend most of their ‘working’ day attending meetings where one person speaks and the others doze, text or play on-line bingo.
When they return to their office, they twang rubber bands at each other across their desks and argue about who’s going down the canteen for half-a-dozen espressos.
They eventually settle down to do some work just before ‘wash hands time’ around 4.45 pm (I’ve worked in offices so I’m familiar with this time-wasting ritual), when they’ll make a decision that’ll get right up the noses of the very people whose council tax payments contribute to their salaries.
We’re told we’re out of the recent recession, but when I’m out and about in Wales I find that hard to believe.
Yes some businesses are successful, but many are just ticking over in the hope that things will improve.
Many have shut up shop . . .literally.
Consumers need encouragement to visit Swansea city centre or towns like Llanelli and Neath.
The fewer obstacles in their way, the more chance shoppers have to support our local city and town centres; the more chance our local centres have to compete and survive.
Council car park charges are such an obstacle.
In retail, sales and marketing are 'key' ingredients to encourage the public to spend their money in shops, cafes, bars, restaurants, cinemas, clubs and theatres.
But local councils interfere with this process due to lack of business-sense and common-sense.
Councils don’t see motorists as people who might boost the economy in their town.
They see them as cash cows, providing milk every time they buy a car park ticket.
It’s especially outrageous for councils to charge for parking in towns where established High Street names and quirky, entrepreneurial independents are out-numbered by charity shops, ‘cash for gold and pay day loan’ merchants and closed-down businesses.
Undeniably, the mix of charity and pawnbroker type names give town centres a tawdry, neglected air.
But as uninviting as these towns are, councils still expect us to pay to park our cars before we run the gauntlet of chuggers, beggars, druggies, drunks, kids on bikes and skateboards, “had an injury?” agents and heaven knows what else, before we can find a decent shop that can sell us the item which prompted out visit to town.
No wonder out-of-town retail parks are so popular.
Free parking, no hassle, attractive places to eat and drink and plenty of consumer choice.
Of course, if we don't shop in our town centres in vast numbers, then more businesses will close down and be replaced by less salubrious outlets - or maybe there will be no new businesses at all, so the council will miss out on the business rates they collect.
I suggest they employ experts to establish what might encourage the public to once again spend money in town and city centre businesses, many of which have been part of our culture for decades
If this approach isn’t welcomed, why not start with free parking, less restricted parking and easier access?
It seems crazy for councils to charge for parking in a town centre dying on its feet and one simple remedy could be applied with the stroke of a pen.
A pen that writes these words on a sign...
“FREE PARKING SEVEN DAYS A WEEK”
The truth of the matter is, local government politics make me long for the simplicity – and reasonableness - of the Middle East!
Must dash now.
Left my car on double yellows!
Oh, yeah?.As if you never have!
--------
My good friend, half-Spanish, half-Welsh comedian Ignacio Vincent Lopez is stressing out.
He's going to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, the biggest arts festival in the world, with his solo show "Spain's Best Export".
When I asked what he was so worried about he reeled off his ‘to do’ list: Book a performance venue, book a place to stay, arrange transport, design fliers and get them printed, generate publicity so he gets an audience, pack his things and head off.
My head was spinning, that's without writing and performing the show and spending every day in the rainy Scottish capital distributing fliers while thousands of performers do the same.
Then he told me the cost!
On average a performer will spend £9000 just for the privilege of going to Edinburgh during the Fringe.
Organisations like 'PBH's Free Fringe' help keep costs down but acts still return home without even the change to buy a Welsh cake from Swansea market.
"Why don't you stay in Wales?" I asked. "There are Comedy Festivals in Cardiff and Neath this summer!"
"I know." He replied. "I'm doing them both before Edinburgh!"
Brave man, our ‘Ig’.
We wish him luck - and if Scotland votes for independence, it isn’t his fault.
----------------
Cheryl Cole is in the news again.
Yes, she has ditched the name of her rat ex-husband, and about time.
But I can't see what the fuss is about.
There are people out there that have 'tattoos' of their exes. I'm sure you know of a few. This could even be YOU.
It all seems OK at the time when you are 'loved up', but when things go wrong it can seem rather foolish and very difficult and costly to resolve.
Which reminds me of a friend who has a tattoo that reads "Tuna".
His ex was called "Tina" but I think the tattoo artist was dyslexic.
Meanwhile, ladies, it is worth remembering that there is sometimes merit in grabbing the man who has visited the tattoo and piercing parlour.
Always remember that a man with a pierced ear is so much better prepared for marriage.
It means that he has experienced pain and has bought jewellery!
Just sayin’.
My good friend, half-Spanish, half-Welsh comedian Ignacio Vincent Lopez is stressing out.
He's going to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, the biggest arts festival in the world, with his solo show "Spain's Best Export".
When I asked what he was so worried about he reeled off his ‘to do’ list: Book a performance venue, book a place to stay, arrange transport, design fliers and get them printed, generate publicity so he gets an audience, pack his things and head off.
My head was spinning, that's without writing and performing the show and spending every day in the rainy Scottish capital distributing fliers while thousands of performers do the same.
Then he told me the cost!
On average a performer will spend £9000 just for the privilege of going to Edinburgh during the Fringe.
Organisations like 'PBH's Free Fringe' help keep costs down but acts still return home without even the change to buy a Welsh cake from Swansea market.
"Why don't you stay in Wales?" I asked. "There are Comedy Festivals in Cardiff and Neath this summer!"
"I know." He replied. "I'm doing them both before Edinburgh!"
Brave man, our ‘Ig’.
We wish him luck - and if Scotland votes for independence, it isn’t his fault.
----------------
Cheryl Cole is in the news again.
Yes, she has ditched the name of her rat ex-husband, and about time.
But I can't see what the fuss is about.
There are people out there that have 'tattoos' of their exes. I'm sure you know of a few. This could even be YOU.
It all seems OK at the time when you are 'loved up', but when things go wrong it can seem rather foolish and very difficult and costly to resolve.
Which reminds me of a friend who has a tattoo that reads "Tuna".
His ex was called "Tina" but I think the tattoo artist was dyslexic.
Meanwhile, ladies, it is worth remembering that there is sometimes merit in grabbing the man who has visited the tattoo and piercing parlour.
Always remember that a man with a pierced ear is so much better prepared for marriage.
It means that he has experienced pain and has bought jewellery!
Just sayin’.
----------
You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales
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