Quotes of the day
"Let me get this straight. Bin Laden's top man has been released. The price of petrol is through the roof. There's inflation, depression. And people are hysterical because I said f***" - Joan Rivers, who has revoked her apology for swearing on air during the ITV's Loose Women programme.
"I'm more frequently likened to a goblin than a pixie" - Vera Baird, Solicitor General, responding to Tory MP Anthony Steen who complimented her on her "new pixie look".
"Why is everyone so bloody miserable?" - Junior Transport Minister Tom Harris.
"I get invited to these weird dinners full of Labour celebrities and entrepreneurs, and we all sit there and say 'What can we do?', and everyone says 'I don't know'" - Comedienne Jo Brand.
"Thank you for travelling with South West Trains. Please make sure you take all your belongings when leaving the train. This is particularly important if you work for Her Majesty's Government" - Announcement on the Weymouth to Waterloo service.
"I have a BA in dope, but a PhD in soul" - Singer and composer Lou Reed recalls what he said when asked about his formal education.
"You are only as famous as what you turn down. I've turned down Strictly Come Dancing, I'm A Celebrity, and EastEnders - twice. If you are not on the telly, people assume you are not working, but I like being able to go down to Sainsbury's and get away with it" - Actor Brian Conley.
"It's like walking round with the Messiah" - TV presenter Fiona Bruce on spending a day with Bill Gates for the BBC2 Money Programme.
"I don't mean to swear, it's just the muppets I have to work with sometimes" - Celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay.
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