The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post

The latest Phil Evans column from the South Wales Evening Post.
Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy.
www.philevans.co.uk

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Why people are getting fatter.
If you’re over 40 it’s a safe bet that throughout your school years there was always one overweight kid in the class - usually male - who was rarely seen without a Cornish pasty, sausage roll or chocolate bar.
Sometimes all three, if it was pocket money day.
It certainly happened in the schools I attended and when we started to notice that (let’s call him Terry Jenkins, even though his real name was Colin Williams) looked a bit ‘rounder’ than the rest of us, some skinny kids became verbal bullies.
Being 7 or 8 their command of the pithy put-down was quite limited, so the best insult that was thrown in his direction was “Fatty”.
Had they been aware of the term ‘Morbidly Obese’ back in the day, then perhaps the more educated amongst the bullies would have pointed at him and jeered “Oi! Morbidly Obese Williams!”
It may not be PC to say so, but today there are more and more obese children and adults everywhere.
What’s particularly sad is when you see a morbidly obese mother shopping with her teenage daughter who’s already morphing into the same rotund shape as her mum.
I feel like telling the mother off for filling her trolley with sugary drinks, crisps, burgers and giant packs of sweets –but it really isn’t any of my business.
There are many theories explaining what’s caused this epidemic of enormously enlarged epidermis.
The explosion of fast-food outlets; fizzy drinks; take-away meals delivered to your front door; lack of exercise; TV programmes that promote the baking of sugary, creamy cakes .....etc. etc.
But I have a new theory why people are getting fatter.
I blame the TV remote control.
We sit on our sofas every night, remote in hand, hopping from channel to channel in the vain search for something entertaining.
But imagine if we had 500 channels and the remote hadn’t been invented.
We’d have to get up, walk across to the TV, change channels, walk back to the sofa, sit down, watch for a couple of minutes, then get up again, walk across to the TV, change channels...
Repeat that 500 times every evening and in a fortnight not only would you have a deep groove in the carpet between the sofa and TV, you’d have shed a stone and a half.
So, let’s all dump our remotes and reconvene in a month to compare weight loss!

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Operating Theatres:
With five minutes to spare this week, what better way to spend my time than sitting and reading the news, a rare thing for me!
Talk about laugh out loud when this story popped up which read "playing music in a hospital operating theatre can be disruptive".
Now, every time our favourite hospital dramas come on the TV, there is always soft classical music playing in the background, lovely and relaxing, so what's the problem?
This report states, and I quote "music was played in 16 out of 20 observed operations......dance music and drum and bass were often played very loudly".
REALLY?
This sounds more like Wind Street in Swansea on a Saturday night!
Hang on though, there must be some money to be made here, maybe a collection of "Now That's What I Call Surgery" CD's!
Now then, my track list, let me see.....
I just died in your arms, Footloose, Groove is in the Heart, Smooth Operator, You're So "vein", Dr Beat, Bleeding Love, The First Cut is the Deepest....
Ok, I need some help here, guys, get in touch with your suggestions!

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Athletics:
If there's one thing that makes me proud, it's hearing about young home grown talent doing their country proud.
My coffee shop meeting certainly didn't let me down this week.
She is only 16 years old, but Lauryn Davey who lives very close to me in my little fishing village of Ammanford, is the best all round athlete in Wales at her age.
Within six months of starting triple jump, she is the most promising female triple jumper that Wales has had for many years.
She won her age group Welsh Championship easily, taking the bronze medal at the Schools International with a leap of 11 metres 42cm, the fifth longest jump by a junior in the UK this year.
Amazing, I find it difficult to even jump off a bus these days!
All too often, youngsters get labelled as lazy and uninspired, but Lauryn is proving that hard work and determination really does pay off.
Competing in a total of nine events, she is certainly one to watch out for in the future!
You heard it here first!

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You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales and www.philevans.co.uk